Making Space...

 Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This song has been on repeat since January...so much in it that speaks my heart.

And maybe it explains the last six Wednesday nights.

See, we do small groups at church on Wednesday nights.  Usually 10 weeks in the fall, and 10 weeks in the spring.  I have been teaching a class on some simple Bible study methods; We finished the spring semester on April 19.  But this year, the decision was made to do a 6 week 'minimester' to finish out the spring instead of doing the large group Bible study we have done in the past.  My class wasn't one that was asked to repeat/ continue for the short term, so I kinda was at loose ends to decide what I should do.

I didn't really want to jump into a class that was a continuation of what they'd been doing...and there were only a couple that were starting up new.  One was a marriage class, but I didn't really want to do that without My Sweet Babboo, who works in the boy's ministry on Wednesday nights.  I thought about doing the other, as it was being taught by one of my favorite teachers in our church, but it was material that I'd already covered when I took the ministry school classes.  What to do, what to do.  

Then, the Wednesday the mini-mester started, I had a sudden thought: Why don't I ask God what  I should do?  And then see if I get some kind of direction.

Y'all.  I prayed that little prayer and IMMEDIATELY heard in my spirit, 'Why don't you just spend that time with Me?'

What?  Skip church and come home and just spend the time with Bible and journal?  But even as I thought that I knew it wouldn't work...I had too many distractions.  Too many Things That Need to Be Done.  Well...could I just sit in my office at church and ...nope.  Too Many Things there, too.  But...no one was using the classroom I had been teaching in...

And suddenly, I had an idea for a small group named 'We Make Space -- Spending Time with God' in which we would NOT have a specific group time, per se, but after a quick devotional prompt we could all, like, spread out and turn the desks (it is an old school, and they left us the desks, lol) to the wall and each one spend the time with Bible, journal and Holy Spirit.

I wrote it up really quickly and emailed it to our life group pastors to see if they liked it.  But, I realized it was an extremely short notice...it hadn't been on the sign up lists, there would be no signage made...it wouldn't be easy to pull off.  So, I asked that, if we didn't promote it as a group, would it be ok if I used the classroom for some personal seeking time?

Then I grabbed my Message  Bible, because I wanted a version that I'm not as familiar with (and I'm not a big fan of The Message, but it works for a prayer prompt) so as to not be a routine read, my journal and my little blue tooth speaker and, on a whim, a book that I got a  while back but hadn't really gotten much into, and threw it all in a tote bag and headed for church, not really knowing what was going to happen.  

My hunch was right...there wasn't time for that to be a group, but it was no problem for me to use the room for my own seeking time.

I went up that night during the class time and shut myself into the room, turned on some music rather low so as to mask the conversation from the next room without disturbing them, and opened my books.

The book I'd grabbed at the last minute was  Hebrew Word Study: Revealing the Heart of God by Chaim Bentorah. I had bought it thinking it would be an introduction to Hebrew or some such thing but it wasn't that at all.  It is a collection of articles or devotions based on different Hebrew words or phrases.  I had read a few when the book arrived and had found them thought provoking but hadn't really made an effort to dig into it.  I thought, since it was a devotional style, it might be good for a prayer prompt.

Guys.  Those Wednesday nights were AMAZING.  90 minutes of uninterrupted time with no distractions to focus on personal communion.

I did learn something about Hebrew from that devotional book.  Unlike English, where words are made up of letters representing sounds, Hebrew words are made up of letters representing concepts; the meaning of the word is tied up in the letters used to spell it; the pronunciation follows the spelling, not the other way round.  And most Hebrew words derive from a set of three-letter root words. It's incredibly complex and deeply layered.  So naturally, the words I studied all had much richer meanings than the simple English translation would indicate.

The words inspired journal entries that were conversations...I'd write a bit, then change the color in my four color pen and record the words that came to me as a response.  That is, as you can imagine, deeply personal...but it was inspiring and affirming and challenging and the six Wednesdays went by in a flash.

What I came away with, in a nutshell, is that the heart of God yearns for intimate communion with His people.  One of the words I studied is a word that can be translated 'hug'...and I left the classroom that night with a sense of inner peace the likes of which I don't think I have ever felt before.  It was profound....and it hasn't really left.  It's still there, under the surface. The Father's hug.  If I had gotten nothing else but that, it would still have been an amazing time.

I have to find a way to block out the distractions so I can continue that pursuit at home.

Which was, of course, the whole point of the exercise.  To make space...clear out the clutter...welcome Him...and to get accustomed to doing it so I could continue in less specific circumstances.

There is a PS to this...the small group pastors loved the concept, for all there wasn't time to pull it off this go round, so it will be something that I do with others as an actual group at some point in the future...

Pondering the Creative

posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Late afternoon moon...not really pertinent to the subject, although  I could probably make some kind of roundabout connection if I had to.  Mostly  just to give Facebook a pic for the thumbnail, lol.  

With the trip to Israel...a trip designed for Creatives, at that, happening in a matter of days, I'm finding myself contemplating my creative activities.  If I am going on this fantastic trip to be creative...I should, well, be creating.

But, I'm sure the dearth of posts over here means it's probably no surprise to anyone that my creative is currently somewhere in the desert.  It's dry and not terribly productive.

So, my over-analytical self is trying to figure out what's going on.  Why am I  so dry?  What's going on here?

I've come up with a few theories...in no particular order....

1) I'm really not as creative as I'd like to think I am.  Of course, I don't want this to be the reason, but I have to face that it may be the truth.  On the scale of creative talent...I may be somewhere around a 5 or a 6, and there are plenty of 10's out there who are not getting the opportunity to put their talent to its fullest and best use; so why should I expect opportunities to fully engage my 5 or 6 level?  Maybe my creativity is meant for personal expression only...or, just enough to appreciate the real superior talent when I see it, so I can encourage the folks who really have the goods?

2) I am distracted by many things...using my creative time and energy for things that really aren't productive; hung up on pride and performance rather than the good thing.  Doing what gets affirmation rather than doing what would express those creative vibes. My job involves being very analytical and systems-minded; I get to do a LITTLE creative problem-solving, trying to think outside of the box, but mostly I'm about processes and procedures.  I've even been told I 'just don't understand the creative mindset'...which makes me think I have really subjugated my creative to the urgent and necessary. Folks don't expect me to be creative so...I'm not.

3) I'm afraid.  That number one might really be true...I'm just not that gifted.  And, as long as you don't venture out with creative things, no one will shoot down the dream.  Or maybe I'm afraid that the opposite is true...I really DO have a creative gifting, but to serve the gift I need to give up other things that I love and enjoy.  What if I needed to quit sewing in order to have time to write?  Sewing gets lots and lots of positive affirmation.  I sew for church...often heading up the sewing effort when there is something needed.  Would it be selfish to say, 'Oh, I really don't have time to do that anymore'...because I want to spend time writing something that, even if I were good at it, might not get past the computer?   Either way, it's a risk that I will get rejected, either because it's really not that good or because I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time and the people who have the yay or nay vote -- vote nay, just because it's not suitable for their plan.  And, in a nutshell...I'm afraid of rejection. Again.  It's a old sore wound. So...safer to just think about being creative, maybe?

4) There just isn't any demand on the anointing, so to speak.  Creative is like a hand pump...it's easier to be creative when the flow is already going.  If the pump loses its prime, it's hard to get it going again.  I put a demand on my own creative for a season, but then it hit a point where my demand wasn't enough...there needed to be an outlet for what I created.  And there wasn't.  So the pump quit pumping and it lost the prime.

I guess I'm really hoping the issue is number 4...that I just lost the ability to inspire myself to create for the sake of creating; even if number 1 is true, that level 5 - 6 creative needs some kind of expression.  So...hoping to re-prime the pump, so to speak, by being in the land of the Bible, with folks who definitely are in the 9 - 10 range of creative expression.   But other than that...I really have no personal agenda.  Just go and observe and absorb.

The Epiphany Challenge

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?  We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him.  (Matt. 2:1-3; all scripture today from NIV 84)


While we have many traditional ideas of the Christmas story that don't really line up with scripture; the Magi's part is probably the most distorted.  My little china nativity set underscores the errors...first, that there were exactly 3 (they have even been given names somewhere along the way...Melchior, Balthazar and Gaspar.  According to this CNN Story,  Bede the Venerable listed their names and descriptions in the 8th century, but no one knows the exact origin of the tradition); secondly, that they came to the manger with the shepherds.  Nowhere in scripture is the number of Magi stated; given the stir they caused when they arrived in Jerusalem, disturbing the whole city with their quest, I rather think it was somewhat more than three.  And as to them coming to the manger, that's pretty much disproven later in the second chapter of Matthew.  It was somewhere in the neighborhood of two years later when they came to the house in Bethlehem where Joseph and Mary and Jesus were living.

But, be that as it may, it still is an astonishing bit in the story that wealthy learned men (again, not kings...nowhere in the narrative are they referred to as kings) understood the signs in the heavens and undertook the journey to worship the one they called the King of the Jews.  They had to also have understood the significance of that King...that His coming was for the nations, not just for the Jews.  Why else would they undertake such a journey? 

All Jerusalem was disturbed.

Herod called in the chief priests and the teachers of the law and asked them where the Messiah was to be born.

"In Bethlehem in Judea," they replied, "For this is what the prophet has written:  But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means the least among the rulers of Judah; for out of you will come a ruler who will be the shepherd of my people Israel."  (Matt. 2:5-6)

Now, if you were a Jew, living in Jerusalem,  hearing the news that a troupe of foreigners, well-dressed and well-mounted, had arrived looking for the long-prophesied king...who was to have be born only about 5 miles away...what would you have done?

The Jews of that day did...nothing. Not one of them is recorded as going to see for himself if the story the Magi told was true.

Of course, perhaps they reasoned that it had been two years and there was certainly no guarantee that the family hadn't left the area, but still.  They had been looking for the coming of the Messiah for CENTURIES.  Would you not have been a little curious?  Would you not have taken a day to check the story out?

But Herod instructed the Magi to go and find the child and then come back and tell him...and everyone else, I suppose...where to find him.

After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was.  When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.  On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him.  Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and myrrh.  And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

I have heard critics of the gospel state that the sum given to Mary and Joseph should have set them up to be wealthy; I think it just financed the urgent flight they undertook probably less than 24 hours later.  Joseph had a dream warning him to go to Egypt; he got up and took his family and left in the middle of the night.   Herod, in his fury that the Magi did not return and tell him where to find anyone, sent his soldiers to kill all boys two and under in the entire area around Bethlehem.

The Jews had missed their opportunity to see their Messiah.  Of course, He would appear to all of them later, but that blessing for that time was gone.

So, here's the challenge to me from the story of Epiphany...Jesus is near to us today.  We can encounter Him just by taking the time to seek Him.   Every day is a new opportunity...but when that opportunity is gone, it's gone.  How many days do I let go by without spending some time with Him?  Why do I let the busy of life stop me from the very little effort it takes to hear a word or two for that day?  How can I shake my head over the Jews who wouldn't interrupt their routine for a 5 mile journey if I won't interrupt my activity for 30 minutes?

Awakening Champions....

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Happy Epiphany!

I'm pretty much taking a break from social media; it's our annual church-wide fast season and, since I've got some, um, health issues that preclude true fasting and have me on an extremely limited diet anyway, I've decided to 'fast' social media.  Only this post for the week.

Which is probably harder than drinking juice for 8 days, actually.

But I did do 'lunch' with my Bible and journal in the sanctuary on Wednesday (the first day of the fast...it runs through next Wednesday) and Thursday;  that is the best part of skipping a true lunch.  Not that I don't enjoy spending that short daily break with my co-workers...but there is something about sitting in the sanctuary, in the quiet, with no other demands apparent and just listening and writing and reading. 

We've had different focus points for each day; Wednesday was 'Awakening Passion' and yesterday was 'Awakening Identity'.  Today's is 'Awakening Covenant'.

I've had some rather raw moments during my journaling; saw some things I hadn't considered.

Yesterday's focus on identity brought up questions like...where does my identity really come from?  Legally, identity comes from the father...ponder that for just a second.  Identity comes from the Father.  Not from folks around me, not from what I do, not from the lifestyle I choose...from the Father.

That dovetailed nicely with the verse that had jumped off the page when I read it yesterday morning during my 3 & 1 time... John 5:44, 'How can you believe if you accept praise from one another yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?'

How can I really believe, really follow what God intends for my life if I let others...people...determine my identity; if I'm seeking to get their approval, their affirmation, their attention. 

That was a big SELAH when I read it, and I came back to it again as I pondered identity at lunchtime.

How can I seek the praise of the only God instead of getting my affirmation and direction from folks around me?  

Definitely food for thought.

The fast culminates in our Champions Summit Leadership conference which will be Thur - Sat next week, so I probably won't manage my typical Friday post.  But maybe I'll have some thoughts to share on the other side.

And the dust moves on...

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Life goes on, dresses get made, kids graduate, road trips are taken, there's a frantic rush to get the Girl's Ministry requirements in before the deadline...busy, busy, busy.

Sometimes busy is good; it doesn't allow much time for thinking.

And there's a lot of thinking that I'm trying not to do.

The swirling and shifting has begun to show signs of settling and, to all appearances, when the dust settles and everything has changed, I'm going to be right where I was...while all the rest has gone elsewhere.

Can you tell I'm writing very carefully here?  I can't discuss it much.

And I really am pushing it to say that much.  Just before we left for the expo, as I was trying to find my footing in the shifting, I got two very clear directives.

The first was to do a 40 day fast.  Oh, not an extreme fast...just the 'no choice foods' type fast....and spend my lunch hour with my journal and Bible in the sanctuary (one of the benefits of working at the church) looking for peace and direction and, oh, a number of things all connected in some way.

The second was to not talk about The Shift until after the fast is over.

That way I won't say anything that could cause trouble. 

So that's where I am at the moment.   And I will say that there is a plus to shifting like this...it pushes me to push into God in ways I never have before.  And I CAN most definitely talk to HIM about it.

You know, that's an amazing place to be.  But it is worth noting that the fast will end the day before my birthday.

God has pretty cool timing.

Praying in the Closet

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I remember reading Hamlet when I was in high school and having a 'What??' moment, which recurred when I saw the community theater production of that show last spring.  There's a line when Ophelia, describing Hamlet's crazy overtures, begins her narrative by saying, 'I was sewing in my closet..'

I had the mental picture of her sitting in a teeny room, amidst hanging gowns, mending a torn hem in truly pitiful lighting.  Because, you know, in 2012 that's what a 'closet' means. Generally.

But today our Pastor touched on the verse that says 'go into your closet and pray', and I decided to have a look at that verse (Matt 6:6) .  Here're the renderings:

King James: But thou, when thou prayest,  enter into thy closet, and when thou has shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret...

AMP: But when you pray, go into your most private room, and closing the door, pray to your Father Who sees in secret...

NASB: But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in secret...

NIV: But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father who is unseen.


Suddenly the application of  'closet' rights itself; in Elizabethan England, it was the innermost, most private room.  Not clothes storage. 

Now, in the context of that passage, Jesus is contrasting the folks who make big showy prayers in front of others so that they will be thought to be holy and spiritual and make an impression on the hearers with the way He wants His disciples to pray...in privacy, with no theatrics or fancy language.

But today, for the umpteenth time I think, I was struck with the other aspect of going into the 'closet' to pray...the intimacy with God that results when we intentionally take time from the day to spend with Him and deliberately block out all distractions.

And I got all convicted again because my time with God is not spent all focused, with no distractions.  It's in snatches, the inbetweens.  Not exactly the leftovers, but not prime time, either.

And I was challenged...what if I *really* did this consistently?  Set apart time and blocked out the distractions?

You precious souls who have been following this journey of mine for a while know how many times I have set out to do that and then fizzled out on it.  But, once more, my friends, I pick myself up, brush myself off, and determine to start afresh...thanking God all over again for those mercies which are new every morning.

It's Scary When You Really Look...

I've come to the conclusion that I'm basically living my life on top of a rug.

I've got lots of ...stuff ...swept under the rug. Since the pattern on the rug camouflages the lumps under it to some degree, I can pretend there's nothing there.

But every once in a while I trip over one of the bumps I didn't see.

Case in point...

I've lamented on the blog before that I didn't feel that I have any real life dreams that I'm working toward or believing for. One of the first journal entries in the latest effort to put 10 hours of true seeking time in was also about the longing I have for a dream and the lack of vision in my life in general.

The next entry was a couple of days later and, to my surprise, I'd found that I'd written about dreams that I felt were going to die if they didn't come to pass soon...even though I carefully worded it so that I never actually put a name to the dream.

Wait. Didn't I just say I didn't *have* dreams? How could I feel anxious about dreams failing if I haven't acknowledged that I have any dreams? I'd caught myself in a huge contradiction.

What did I trip over there?

I had to admit then that it's not that I don't have dreams...it's that I'm not allowing myself to admit to them. It's that jinx thing I mentioned in that linked post from November of '08. I still have a deep down expectation that if I admit a desire, the opposite thing will happen.

Or, worse yet, the dream would be dashed by other folks. Scorned. Judged and found wanting. Safer to pretend I don't have any dreams.

But, this week I realized that they are there, whether I would admit them or not. The reason I feel so frustrated isn't that life is conspiring against my dreams, it's that I won't own them. No wonder there doesn't seem to be much going on around me that would seem to be at all favorable for dream development.

So I made myself be honest with myself and I wrote down about 5 things that I am dreaming for. Some are pretty far fetched. Some I could easily achieve with a little self-discipline. All of them were hard to write out where I could see it...where I'd be reminded of what I was looking for/working for/hoping for...where 'They' could see what I want. I felt...vulnerable. But, in a way, I also felt relieved. I don't have to pretend about them any more.

Maybe someday I'll share them; for now, it's enough that I admitted them to myself and took the step of committing them to paper.

Trying to catch myself... Time Elapsed: 90 minutes.

I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere I got buried.

Under laundry, under a measly 20-hour workweek, under accumulated papers that need filing, under sewing - for myself and for others, under a hectic could-it-be-that-we're-involved-in-too-much activities schedule, under the nuisance of watching calories coming in and trying to get some physical activity into the mix to see if I can stop the steady upward climb of the bathroom scales.

Suddenly, I didn't know where I was anymore.

But you can't throw life into STOP for anything...there's stuff that needs doing, and I haven't yet figured out how to hand it off to someone else.

So I'm trying to find where I last left my sense of humor, my ability to remember what I was going to say when I started speaking, my rest, and my glasses.

And my seeking heart. I actually remembered my determination to seek Him and recognized that, in letting the busyness overtake me again, I'd let that slide.

No, I haven't managed it everyday, but I did get a three half-hours at lunch time in the past week and a half. It's a start. I began the count over again. The goal is ten hours; I've got 90 minutes.

I have a feeling that when I get that part of my life back in line, I'll find myself right there.

Time Elapsed: 30 minutes

Three months. It's been three months since I said I wanted to accept the ten-hour challenge. And, while I've spent time reading and studying, I haven't really sat down and said, 'Lord, I'm listening.'

Hadn't spent 10 minutes trying to listen to God talk to me about His plans for me.

So, finally, Monday I managed to tear myself away from the pile of unfinished and behind work and carry my Bible down to the sanctuary for 30 minutes of listening during lunchtime.

I wasn't sure where to start; because I was in Isaiah in my read-the-Bible-through effort,I read Isaiah 41-50.

That's an incredibly encouraging passage...over and over again, God compares Himself to man-made idols. And over and over again, the difference is obvious:

We serve a God who acts when called upon. One who has a plan and a purpose that we can fulfill, if we'll only trust and follow Him.

And that's a good place to start.