Looking Forward

I thought I'd pull out my very first journal (which began in fall of 1984) and write down what I put for my New Year's Resolutions/thoughts that year for the first Friday Flashback of '09. But I was heartily disappointed. Yes, I had resolutions...but they were very superficial. And the whole next six month's worth of entries was one long whine.

It was childish. I guess it was good to see that I *have* (I think -- hopefully?) matured in the last 25 years. But it was a good lesson all the same. One can't go forward while looking back.

Not that I don't need to be reminded of the lessons of the past that I *still* haven't gotten...but I think the Friday Flashback series has run its course and it's time to look forward now.

But I'll be honest... I haven't often felt the kind of chill in my spirit looking at a new year as I have felt this week. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just because this year has my 50th birthday in it. Or maybe it's because I know that life is going to get very, very busy very, very soon and I'm not ready to dive back into it yet. Or maybe it's because we've found we still have a nasty leak in the roof that the DIY home repair effort didn't quite fix and I feel like I'm looking at an unknown financial setback to repair it.

Or maybe it's just hormones...one of the best parts about being a woman approaching 50 is that almost anything can be blamed on hormones...

So. Instead of looking back, I need to look ahead, and remind myself that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think, and that I can do all things through Him.

In our church, we always start off the new year with an extended fast; this year's 21-day fast begins on Sunday. Believe it or not, I'm glad of it (is *that* ever out of character!). For lots of reasons, this is something I really feel like I need right now. Some reasons I could articulate...some I can't. Not because they're private, but because they're so deep in my spirit that *I'm* not even sure just exactly they are.

But it is those inexpressible reasons that bring tears to my eyes when I consider holding them out to my Father in the urgent pursuit of God that accompanies a true fast.

And THAT is something to look forward to.

Friday Flashback # 25: Am I hungry?

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Here's an entry dated Feb. 14,2008. I was reading through John Bevere's book Drawing Near at the time, but I don't know if this is a quote from the book or a revelation the book stirred in me:

Hunger is the key element to whether or not we pursue God.

A hungry soul will seek Him; a religious soul will go through the motions to give an appearance of seeking Him.

I think that's true...but I also think there are times when even a hungry soul must seek Him from an act of will. Sometimes, when I'm working hard on a project, I will neglect to eat. If I neglect to eat long enough, I lose my appetite and don't *want* to eat. I think spiritually we get like that too...if we let ourselves get too busy, even in the kingdom, to make sure we have some time to feed our own spirits from His table, we reach a point where we're not aware of being hungry. In both cases, taking nourishment is done as an act of the will, from the wisdom of knowing we must feed ourselves, rather than from hunger.

That isn't to be confused with a person who merely goes through the motions of religious activity in order to fulfill someone else's expectations. On the one case, there is still a receiving of spiritual insight...which will result in at least a small amount of change or growth. On the other, a duty is discharged but nothing changes.

Friday Flashback #24 - Not the End

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi
Here's an entry from April 13,2005, when I was in a very discouraged spot:

I went to church hopeless, almost certain we'd missed God somewhere and were stuck in a huge mess.

IN the midst of worship -- from my will, rather than from my heart -- I suddenly thought of Hinds' Feet in High Places and the little scene in which Much-Afraid, sheltering in the cave on the last night of her journey and certain that all the Shepherd promised her was gone and empty, dumps her little bag of memorial stones, thinking they are not worth hauling around. Yet, as she looks at each one, she has to admit to herself that they are too precious to cast aside, even if it has all been a colossal waste. One by one, she picks the stones up, decides she cannot part with it and returns it to her bag - and picks up one more stone as a memorial. Of course, after her sacrifice, she is healed and restored and all the stones which she had almost discarded became jewels which the Shepherd set in her crown.

I realized the despair I felt was a close cousin to the despair Much-Afraid experienced -- and I remembered what happened after.

What looks like the end is not the end.

If you haven't read Hinds' Feet in High Places (by Hannah Hurnard) I highly recommend it...it's a fabulous allegory and has reminded me many times of the Shepherd's love and care and of the fact that I have to trust Him...and not be fooled by the way things appear.

Friday Flashback #23: Then and Now

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Ok, this isn't a journal entry but indulge me ;)

The first picture is probably my favorite photo of the kids when they were young. I don't have a date for it, but based on the size of the Flute Player, who appears to be about 7 or 8 months old, I'd place it in February or March of 1997. Just one of those random days when I picked up the camera and took a picture.

We were in the process of trying to get family photos taken for our Christmas Letter this year and I just got a wild notion to repose the photo.

Wow. Time flies.... ;)

Friday Flashback #22 - No Fear

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I picked up one of the notebooks I'd used for journaling my way through some study books; I found this dated Feb. 2, 2006 as a preamble to that day's response:

Random thought on my way here:
We fear everything but God, who is all that we should fear: Having proper fear of God means that we should fear nothing and no one else.

I was reminded of the little study that I did on The 5 B's earlier this fall...how much of that seemed to deal with fear of God vs. just being afraid. Apparently, this is a lesson God has been trying to get through to me for a while now...

Friday Flashback #21: The Diary

posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This is a bit of a fudge; I didn't put this in a journal, but I found a journal entry dated Nov. 11, 1995 stating that I'd written the first draft of this earlier in the day. It's something...different...so I can't do the usual 'italicize the whole thing' format; it has italics in it for a purpose.

Once I adapted this to a monologue and performed it in costume...that was interesting...

I never really named it; but here it is:


Dear CJ,
We found the following diary or journal on the third week of the dig. Bronswell and I both believe it to be significant, if not authentic. It was inscribed on clay tablets, with bits of decomposed papyri lying about that it seems to have been copied from, or perhaps was being copied to. The translation was done by Tim Norbert—he said he made an idiomatic translation rather than word-for-word, to try and catch the flavor of the manuscript; I hope you find it as interesting as I did. Read it over and let me know what you think.
Yours, Bettina

2 Ziv -- J. conducting business with Bildad. Last of the sacrificial sheep slaughtered; J. to go day after tomorrow to select next batch. Bebai very excited to have permission to join his siblings in Adin’s feast tomorrow. Have been invited, but J. needs to finish business and I have beginnings of a head cold and need to see to the bread baking. Think we’ll stay home. Weather hot for this time of year.

3 Ziv -- O horrible day! Such a day should not be! Must make the effort to tell this; no one will believe the catastrophes that have befallen us today...Saw Bebai safely off with Uthai to Adin’s and began baking bread. After noon meal, Bildad and J. completed business and B. left, then the news began. First, it was Shimei, terrified and bleeding, who burst into the house and announced that the Sabeans had attacked while they were doing the plowing and had stolen all the oxen and the donkeys grazing in the next field. His coworkers were slaughtered. He was wounded but managed to come home to tell the news. Just as he was saying, “I alone have escaped” -- unbelievably, we would hear those same words three more times -- Ahimaz came in crying “Master! Master!” He was near hysterics and it was all we could do to calm him enough to hear his tale. He said that fire of God (I have never heard of such a thing) fell from heaven on the pasture where the sheep were grazing, and the sheep and the rest of the shepherds perished. “I alone have escaped” he said with a sob, but before the words were out of his mouth, Jalam staggered into the room bleeding even worse than Shimei and fell on the ground. At length he managed to tell us that three bands of Chaldeans had attacked the camel caravans and slaughtered all the servants and stolen the camels and the goods they were carrying. As he was gasping “I alone have escaped,” Elizear came in with his garments torn and ashes on his head, grieving, with the worst news of all. “Oh, my Master and Mistress! Great distress has fallen upon your house! As your children were all feasting with Adin, an incredible wind blew hard and,” he gulped here and began to weep anew, “ The house fell with all the children inside. I was in the yard, and I saw it all. Everyone died. I alone have escaped.” Then he wailed, “Oh, my Master and Mistress! It is an evil day!” J. and I sat still for a time as he wailed, then J. stood up, tore his robe and fell face down on the ground. He was weeping as he said “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked will I go out of the world. The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away -- blessed be the name of the Lord!” I have wept and wailed all day, but it will not bring my children back to me. I don’t understand why God should decide to destroy all we have or hold dear. J. is no help. He shakes his head when I ask him “Why?” and says we should be grateful for what we have had and enjoyed. He has gone with half of the household servants to excavate Adin’s house to collect the bodies -- Ah, God, my children! -- so that we may have a proper burial for them. Ahimaz has taken the rest of the servants to bury what bodies of the servants they can find; I have been tending Shimei and Jalam; S. will probably mend well enough, I’m not so sure about Jalam. Not one of our neighbors has come to sit and grieve with us.

4 Ziv--The men worked by torchlight last night and managed to recover all of the bodies of the children. I worked today to wrap them with the burial spices. A more horrible thing I have never had to do. They were all so mangled and broken. The maids helped, or I could not have done it. None of the neighbors have come by. Zilpha says that the gossip at the well is that we are under a curse and they are all afraid of angering God by showing mercy to a house he has condemned. Angering God! If anything we have done has angered God, then all of humanity should have been wiped from the face of the earth long ago. I know my husband and my children -- there is nothing that should have resulted in this kind of judgment. I would like to know why. Just one question -- WHY??? We lay the children in the burial tomb tomorrow. May God give us strength to do it, especially as he has left us with little else. Shimei some better today, Jalam feverish.

5 Ziv--J. and I and the servants laid the children in the tomb; the professional mourners would not even come to our aid. Even two of the house servants begged to be released today for fear the curse will extend to them. J. says that we are nearly penniless now and may have to sell some of the ground to get ourselves back on our feet and pay the creditors for the goods the camels were carrying, along with the wages for the hired servants. I do not feel we need so many servants with so little to care for, but perhaps he is right. He says there is still more to life ahead of us and that God is faithful and we will be restored. I do not know why God would strike such a blow if he intended to restore it all to us. I cannot conceive of going on with life as it is. What is there to live for? Our friends have abandoned us, the servants are nervous and the God we have served so faithfully has proven himself either unfaithful or uninterested. The children are all gone...why bother? I fear Jalam dying as well.

(here a piece of the tablet was broken and some of the words are missing)

...at noon today. We wrapped him in the cloths and gave him to his people, who hissed at us. I wept after they left, but J. scolded me and said we should be willing to let God have that which he had only lent to us. What glory does his God get if we are bereft of everything and our name is only a hissing in the street? J. went to the city gate to sell a piece of ground, but no one would buy it, calling it cursed. We have had to dismiss as many of the servants as could find a place to go, which was nearly all of them. Only old Ammihud and his wife Keturah are left to us. J. has no animals from which to choose a sacrifice, but he had the weekly worship today anyway, calling on God and thanking him for his blessings to us. I left. If we have had God’s blessing, I think I would rather be cursed.

9 Ziv--Oh, God, what has your servant done that you inflict him so? J. began to break out in boils today and the townspeople drove him out, saying he would bring calamity on them as well. He has gone out to the garbage pile to sit and mourn, scraping the boils when they pain him too much. I went to the well for water today and was nearly driven off. I have decided to go at an odd hour from now on. I sit and weep for hours at a time. Only Keturah speaks to me with any sympathy. It’s as if we were suddenly a household of lepers. I see no future for us.
What shall I do if he dies? Oh, that I could die myself and be done with it! Life is evil, evil!

10 Ziv--This is a living nightmare. I took some pottage to J. at the garbage pile; he is boils from head to toe and looks absolutely miserable. His face is swollen and he is scarcely recognizable. It broke my heart to see him so, and I couldn’t believe his God is allowing such a faithful servant to suffer so. “Why?” I said, “Why? Why? Why?” J. said God must have his reasons, which made me absolutely furious. There just can be no reason for this.
“How can you say that?” I demanded, “Where has it gotten you? Sitting in a dung heap covered with boils! Curse God and die! Give it up! Then I can lie down and die, too, and be done with this whole mess.” I don’t remember what else I said, but J. got really angry with me. “Watch your tongue, woman!” he scolded, “You’re talking like an idiotic pagan woman. Listen to me...we will not accept just good from God, but also whatever adversity he sends our way. Do you understand me?” I think his illness must have addled his brain. I wish I understood why all of this is happening...

11 Ziv--J. even worse than yesterday; blisters in his mouth making it difficult to eat. What is the use of anything?

12 Ziv--Weather turning very hot and humid. J. still miserable.

13 Ziv--Hot. Bildad, Eliphaz and Zophar came from their cities, having just heard of our misfortune. They brought Elihu with them and have all joined J. at the garbage heap, weeping and wailing and throwing dust on themselves. At least someone cares enough about us to come and mourn.

14 Ziv--Still hot. Bildad and friends still with J., nobody is speaking...or eating much, either. I’ve made two trips to the well today; I think they will need plenty of water, sitting out in the sun like that. It’s such a difference from the hospitality we offered them the last time any of them were here.

15 Ziv--Heat merciless. No change in anything.

16 Ziv--No relief in (it looks like water has been dripping on the tablet; the rest of the words on this tablet are obliterated)

19 Ziv--There must be some break in the weather soon. Thunderheads have sprung up around us again today, but there has been no rain. The men at the garbage pile are nearly ill from the heat. Still, no one is speaking. I wonder how much longer this is going to last...

20 Ziv--Well, the silence is broken. When I took the men their water at noon, they were engaged in a heated discussion. Seems they are trying to convince J. to confess the secret sin he must have hidden from everyone but God. So they, too, think that all this has been some sort of deserved punishment. Even now, I can hear them all yelling at each other out there. Thunder still in the distance; heat still oppressive.

21 Ziv--Incredible things happened today. Began with continued heat. Elihu was speaking when I took the water at midmorning; shortly after noon, a tremendous storm broke. Neither I nor the servants have ever seen anything like it. It went on forever with thunder that seemed about to shake the house apart. We cowered in a corner and wondered how the men at the garbage heap were withstanding the storm. To our surprise, after the storm they all came in smiling and amazed. They said God had spoken out of a whirlwind of the storm and said that Job had done what was right, and had commanded the others to bring him seven bulls and seven rams so that J. could make sacrifices and pray for them. Job washed himself -- the boils are much better -- while the others went to the town to buy animals for sacrifice. Just before evening Job called us all out for the sacrifices and we had quite a worship service. People from the town came out and sat with us: at least the testimony of Job’s friends seems to have put us back in favor with the townsfolk. While the sacrifices were being made, all of J.’s brothers and sisters arrived, bringing bread and other food. We had a feast of sorts with all the guests, and everyone mourned with us and consoled us for the evil things that had happened. Then, when everyone left, each household left us a gold ring and a piece of silver. Job retired this evening making plans of how to invest the small fortune we now have. I do not claim to understand God, but it looks like things are turning around. I don’t think I will ever again take my blessings for granted.

(Here the clay tablets end…the remaining fragments were too fine to reassemble.. However, according to Job 42:12, we must suppose that Job did quite well investing his ‘small fortune.’)

Friday Flashback #20 - Must...Learn...the...Lesson...

The Flute Player had a huge Social Studies project on the election assigned to her; she somehow thought it was due on Monday, but came home yesterday and announced that it was due today.

And, despite my constant nagging consistent encouragement for the past two weeks, she had almost nothing done on it. I sat up with her until 1 AM while she worked, and she got up at 5:45 to work. It's finished, but if she makes better than a C- on it it will be a wonder. It's gonna hurt her grade; obviously rushed and minimally completed.

So, yeah, I'm tired and cranky and gave her the 'When will you learn this lesson!' lecture on the way to school (it's raining, so I took her instead of sending her on her bike).

Then I came home and began looking for a journal entry to use for today's flashback. And, to my chagrin, here's what I came across, dated March 7, 2003:

[While] skim reviewing chapters I'd already read in Dialogue With God, I encountered the following statement/question that I'd both highlighted and starred:

'Could I actually come to a place where I did nothing on my own initiative; where I only spoke the words I heard the Father speaking within; where I only did those things I saw the Father doing?'

Wow...that would really be the cry of my heart: but that means walking in such intimate communion with God that I heard and saw Him on a continual basis -- not just every once in a while, and not only when I'm on my face with the world shut out. It means looking at a situation unfolding before me and knowing what God was saying about it/doing in it and speaking and acting accordingly.

It is possible for humans to live in such a place: Paul and Peter both did. There are others in history who did; [I believe] there are people today who do.

Teach me, Lord, to pursue you with a passion until I reach that spot and keep pursing with a passion to stay there.

Sigh. That was over 5 years ago...and I can't honestly say that I'm closer to that passionate, constant pursuit, let alone the discernment of what God is saying and doing around me, than I was when I wrote it.

I am like my daughter; putting it off just a little each day and not learning the lesson of what such procrastination costs. Not that I have to legalistically spend hours in prayer...but, when I hear Him call my name to come aside, I need to respond immediately instead of 'yeah...in a minute...just let me finish (whatever)'.

When I learn that lesson, I'll be on the threshold of a whole new level of intimacy with Him...

Friday Flashback #19 - Who does the bells?

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This is from August 20, 1998, when the Flute Player was just a fuzz over two years old:

[The Flute Player] has bells on her shoes; not only to let me know where she is but to keep her shoes tied. But she's just at that age where she wants to do things herself, so what frequently happens is that I will tie her shoe in a nice bow, but [she] will insist on trying to put the bells on herself.

Well, the first thing she does is grab the bow and pull it -- untying what I'd already done for her. She tries to stuff the lace into the bell cap and there's nothing I can do until she gets frustrated with her own efforts and lets me do it for her.

Is this a parallel or what? I think the thing that really hit me is that when she tried to finish the job herself, she messed up what had already been done for her....

That's a lesson I need to remember today...and the verse that goes with it is obviously Galatians 3:3 - Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?

Which is another reminder to wait on Him...

Flashback Friday #18: Seed Dies

I didn't pull out any old journals today; I just thumbed back in the one I'm currently writing in (and this will show you how erratic my journal-writing really is; this entry is two years old but it is from the current volume!). It's dated October 29,2006, and is about a revelation that hit when I was working behind the scenes at church...instead of being in the service with a special guest speaker, listening and being blessed. I'll admit I had just a little pouty attitude about it, but this changed my viewpoint:

I saw something about seed in it -- about sowing grain that would otherwise nourish and feed me. The difference may not be great, but I saw a new aspect of sowing - of deliberately placing food into the ground, rendering it unusable for nourishment. All the folks who work so tirelessly during service -- the nursery workers, the Missionette and Ranger leaders, the Children's Church workers -- they all choose to sow that which feeds them in order to see a harvest.

If you eat your seed, you'll never see a harvest. But, if you sow your lunch -- hm, maybe you'll feed 5,000?


A Postscript: Tonight is the Mpact Girls' Annual Sleepover; I'm on the 'stay awake all night and monitor things' crew, so I'm not likely to be in any shape to post anything tomorrow! And next Monday is the beginning of my 'Regularly Scheduled Quarterly Stay Home and Off of The Internet Catch Up Week' So, unless I just feel an extraordinary unction to post something over the weekend, I'll see you on the 27th!

Flashback Friday #17: How Ironic

I still am looking for the lighthearted; maybe because everything in the news is so...heavy...

This is from Jan. 20, 1994...

Definition of irony: you decide that this is absolutely the week to start the diet-and-exercise program -- and the next day the 8 boxes of Girl Scout cookies that you ordered 2 months ago are delivered to your door.

Flashback Friday #16 - Whose Idea of Fun?

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Here's another one from the 'Mommy Pages' of my journals. It's dated Sept. 25, 1996, and the children involved are The Actor, then age 3, and the Flute Player, then 2 months old.

I took [the baby] to the Dr. yesterday for her 2-month check up...she got her first DPT and Polio shots. She fussed through the exam, and screamed when she got the shots. [Her brother] had had me read several books to him while we waited, then explored the exam room while she was getting her exam.

The nurse inadvertently grabbed three 'Pocahontas' bandaids, so she gave the extra one to [him], and, when he decided for some reason that he had to wash his hands, held him up to the sink so that he could. When I finally had [the baby] settled down and was kneeling on the floor buckling her into the car seat/carrier, [he] walked up to me and said, 'We had fun here, didn't we?'

I couldn't help myself...I started laughing (probably almost hysterically).

Then he patted my back and said, "Don't worry...I was just kidding."

Flashback Friday #15: New Batteries

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Because I feel like I need a smile, here's an entry dated May 19,1989:

[My Sweet Baboo] was playing with the kids the other night: bouncing, chasing, etc, and at one point just flopped on his stomach on the floor. [DD#1...then age 3] ran to the wall, scratched at it a bit, then went to her daddy and tickled around on his upper back.

When he asked her what she was doing, she replied, 'Putting in new batteries!'

Wish it was that easy!

Flashback Friday #14

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Just a nugget this time, from an entry dated Jan. 20, 2005...at midnight, but that's another story:

Pride cannot be wounded if Pride is dead

There are times when I find Pride is not dead...that flesh vs. spirit thing. And it's a whole battle to get over it. It's sort of like a disease that can be eradicated in one area, but lurks undetected in another part of the flesh to attack again later.

And I'm risking going off on a speculative ramble, so I'll stop before I do! I'll go write it in today's journal entry instead...maybe it'll show up in a future Flashback... ;)

Note: to make the Archived posts more accessible, I've split the series. You can find the first 13 posts to the Flashback Friday series Here.

Flashback Friday #13 - Pass the Tomatoes

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I found this entry and just had to chuckle. God really is in the little things. It's dated August 18, 2003:

Tuesday, we worked on banners at the church. I'd decided to have BLTS [bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches] for supper and planned to stop at the farmer's market on my way home from church for fresh tomatoes. But we worked at church until nearly 2 and I had to get home and eat some lunch before taking [my two youngest kids] to the dentist. So I had to admit that I didn't have time to stop for tomatoes.
"Lord," I prayed as I pulled out of the parking lot, "Could you give us some tomatoes, please?"

When I got home, I called [My Sweet Baboo] to remind him to pick up [the two older kids], and he asked me if I'd gotten any tomatoes. I told him no and explained why.
"Well," he replied, "Somebody brought in tomatoes to give away and I thought I'd get some if you wanted me to."

!!!

Yes, we had BLTS that night! ;) God amazes me.

Friday Flashback #12: Boundaries

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I found this entry just this morning...and was surprised that I'd forgotten it until I read it. I actually copied a bit of it into a required autobiographical paper I had to write in the one post-bachelor's-degree class I've taken (about six months after I wrote the original entry), 'Child Development'. My professor put a little star by it...I guess *she* liked it! Anyway, it's dated April 22, 1992:

Anything and everything is defined by its boundaries; whether it's a Bach fugue, a city, a denomination or a person. There are many different kinds of boundaries: Legal boundaries (i.e., the speed limit), physical boundaries, moral boundaries, intellectual boundaries, etc.

I am defined by the boundaries I set for myself. Some of these may be fairly flexible and subject to change as I grow and mature. Others are rock-solid; boundaries I could not step across without having to totally remake myself as a person. By crossing these boundaries or disposing of them, the definition of me would cease to be...I would have to be redefined.

Notice, this implies that where there are NO boundaries, there is no definition.

Now these boundaries...cannot be dictated or legislated, these defining boundaries are self-imposed boundaries. Or maybe, [they are] the boundaries the Spirit sets for us. Whichever, it is up to us to choose them.

Adam and Eve chose to step beyond their boundaries, and all humanity was redefined. Jesus maintained his, so now each individual has the opportunity to be redefined [once more].

As I typed that just now, I realized I didn't say something quite the way I meant it. The boundaries God set for Adam and Eve were simple: don't eat the fruit of that tree. The boundaries they set for themselves were the boundaries of obedience. Once they decided to disobey, they first stepped across their own boundaries, which led them to crossing the boundaries God set.

Society can set legal boundaries, but we must decide if we are going to live within those boundaries or not. The decision to honor/not honor boundaries set by those in authority is really what I'm talking about...that is the *personal* boundary that defines one's character.

No one but me can set my own personal boundaries.

Anyway, food for thought today!

Flashback Friday #11 - Thirsty

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Here's an entry dated April 7, 2003:
For seeking God in a dry place, read Psalms 42 & 43. The whole cry of the desperate heart is there. Two verses in particular stand out to me:
"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?... send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then I will go to the altar of my God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, o God, my God." (Ps. 42:2, 43:3-4)

"When can I go and meet with God?"

Boy, isn't that still true for me today? But it is reassuring to know that God will draw me with truth and light to the time and place where I can meet with Him...I don't have to flounder around trying to figure it out for myself.

All I really need to do is look for His Light, listen for His truth...and respond.

Aye, there's the rub. I must respond. Immediately.

Not after I finish (whatever) or postpone it to a more convenient time.

I think that's the price that those who truly know God and walk with Him pay. That's where we really lay down our will for His. Look, listen, and respond.

The spring will not refresh the thirsty if the thirsty do not turn aside and drink from it.

Man, am I ever stomping on my own toes this morning!

Ow!

Flashback Friday #10 - Priorities?

posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This is a post that I don't remember writing and I don't remember the event it records, so it's like reading someone else's writing. And it kind of slapped my face, if you know what I mean. It's dated April 19, 1994 (my older son's sixth birthday, incidentally):

Sunday night, [I had a three-minute] notice on giving a testimony of "What a Christian Family Means to Me."...if I'd've had more time, I could've come up with a nice little well-rounded testimony: with three minutes prep, what I said was what was on my heart.

-- That it's not right for the church to be in conflict with the family.
-- That the primary place where children are to learn about God is in the home.
-- That service to God is whatever he's called you to do, not just what you do at church.
-- That church is for fellowship, worship and service to each other: our everyday life lived before the world is where God is served.
-- That time must be given to those who serve God away from the church.
-- That serving God in my family must take precedence over serving God in my church (but should not be confused with using my family as an excuse not to serve Him [at all] at church)

[Our Pastor] said he disagreed with about 90% of what I said, although I'm not sure he was serious [he could have been teasing...we were well enough acquainted that I didn't take it personally, anyway]. Several ladies were vigorously agreeing with me, both during [my little talk] and after, so I guess I'm not that far out in left field!

That really rattled my chain because I have literally been at church all day, for almost every day in the past week and a half, sewing costumes, working on the girls' ministry, doing some administrative volunteer work. The 'service to my family' has been laughable. I realize that this intensity is just for a season, and will be over shortly, but...I need to remember what my first and primary calling is.

Ouch.

Flashback Friday #9 - Take Me Back to the Heart of Worship

posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This week's Friday Flashback is dated Jan. 24, 2002, and was written during a ladies' study at church. On this particular day, we were instructed to find a quiet place and just spend some time with God ourselves.

The way out is through. Set your face and keep going; don't give up and don't turn back....

Worship is the key -- Lord, teach me to worship you totally from my heart w/o concern for [what] anyone else [thinks about it]: Worship is the key.

Worship is an automatic response to the presence of God, to His manifestation in my life. The sacrifice of praise is worship when I do NOT sense the presence of God. Lord, move my heart to worship even in those times when I don't sense You and don't understand what is going on [in my life].

I'm not sure if that's when the concept of 'the sacrifice of praise' begin to form itself in my spirit or not; but I know that somewhere along the line I have come to the conclusion that the sacrifice of praise is what we do when life is throwing curve balls...or daggers...at us; we're taking hits and we don't understand why and God seems either unconcerned or uninvolved with us. It's easy to praise God when things are fine, but when things are the farthest from fine is when it is a sacrifice to put worship in one's mouth and command one's soul to bless the Lord. That is praise that is a decision, not a response.

I'm currently reading in Psalms, and I'm finding David does this over and over...he lists the opposition in his life, then commands his soul to praise God.

It is the only way out...it is the way through. Worship.

Flashback Friday # 8 : Intensive Care

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This is from January 23, 2005, written during a late night prayer time:

Sharon Zink [a guest speaker] talked today about God putting her in 'intensive care' [spiritually] - and I thought about who goes into 'intensive care' and why....

Firstly, generally speaking, someone who is not going to get better, period, is not put into intensive care. No one who has no hope of survival goes into intensive care. Intensive care is for those who either are expected to recover or who stand a chance of recovery. So to be in intensive care is to know that there is hope.

People go into intensive care because:
1) they are very ill. But this is not the usual case... most illnesses are caught before they reach this stage.

2) they have had surgery. Surgery either removes something [that is diseased], corrects or repairs something or replaces something....

3) they have an injury - a serious injury - and are put into intensive care to be watched and evaluated until the immediate danger is over

4) Neonatal intensive care - a baby who's too immature to survive w/o special attention or was born with a life-threatening condition.

There is lots of room for spiritual parallels. In every case, someone goes into intensive care because their survival is threatened.

And, as is typical for my late-night journal entries, this stops abruptly right there. I didn't try to focus on the spiritual significance of that...maybe it is time to go back and consider some of those things, and remember that God cares deeply about our spiritual condition and will put us in intensive care. There's a lot more that could be written here -- how do you recognize being in intensive care, what can you expect in intensive care, things like that.

Hm. Lots of room to develop that theme.

Flashback Friday #7

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I picked up my journals today not just looking for something 'good' to share, but looking for a word from the past that I needed to hear again. And there were lots of things that don't lend themselves well to a blog post (waaaayyy too much back story involved!), but when I came across this phrase I knew it was for today:

God puts a high premium on foolishness

That was in a long chunk of notes taken at the Morningstar New Year's conference held in Jacksonville, Fl in 2000; it appears to be from the New Year's Eve service itself, but I don't have any indication of who spoke it. It's one of several nuggets that were written down rather randomly under 'Sun. Eve.'. Here are some more:

Revolutionary kids have revolutionary mentors

Stop cursing the 'wall' --it's a gift: this apparently inspired the following personal revelation:

The majority of my problems are mouth-induced:
-cursing myself
-others speaking negatively
-criticizing others multiplies judgement back to us.

*A critical [i.e., a word given in condemnation, not loving correction] word is always wrong -- even if it's correct*


And I might as well list the other three on that page:

You bear fruit out on a limb.

You gotta pick up the snake to go and free the people of God

Focusing on inadequacies is the opposite of faith.

Hm. Sort of a smorgasboard of flashbacks today...take whatever you need at the moment. ;)