With the trip to Israel...a trip designed for Creatives, at that, happening in a matter of days, I'm finding myself contemplating my creative activities. If I am going on this fantastic trip to be creative...I should, well, be creating.
But, I'm sure the dearth of posts over here means it's probably no surprise to anyone that my creative is currently somewhere in the desert. It's dry and not terribly productive.
So, my over-analytical self is trying to figure out what's going on. Why am I so dry? What's going on here?
I've come up with a few theories...in no particular order....
1) I'm really not as creative as I'd like to think I am. Of course, I don't want this to be the reason, but I have to face that it may be the truth. On the scale of creative talent...I may be somewhere around a 5 or a 6, and there are plenty of 10's out there who are not getting the opportunity to put their talent to its fullest and best use; so why should I expect opportunities to fully engage my 5 or 6 level? Maybe my creativity is meant for personal expression only...or, just enough to appreciate the real superior talent when I see it, so I can encourage the folks who really have the goods?
2) I am distracted by many things...using my creative time and energy for things that really aren't productive; hung up on pride and performance rather than the good thing. Doing what gets affirmation rather than doing what would express those creative vibes. My job involves being very analytical and systems-minded; I get to do a LITTLE creative problem-solving, trying to think outside of the box, but mostly I'm about processes and procedures. I've even been told I 'just don't understand the creative mindset'...which makes me think I have really subjugated my creative to the urgent and necessary. Folks don't expect me to be creative so...I'm not.
3) I'm afraid. That number one might really be true...I'm just not that gifted. And, as long as you don't venture out with creative things, no one will shoot down the dream. Or maybe I'm afraid that the opposite is true...I really DO have a creative gifting, but to serve the gift I need to give up other things that I love and enjoy. What if I needed to quit sewing in order to have time to write? Sewing gets lots and lots of positive affirmation. I sew for church...often heading up the sewing effort when there is something needed. Would it be selfish to say, 'Oh, I really don't have time to do that anymore'...because I want to spend time writing something that, even if I were good at it, might not get past the computer? Either way, it's a risk that I will get rejected, either because it's really not that good or because I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time and the people who have the yay or nay vote -- vote nay, just because it's not suitable for their plan. And, in a nutshell...I'm afraid of rejection. Again. It's a old sore wound. So...safer to just think about being creative, maybe?
4) There just isn't any demand on the anointing, so to speak. Creative is like a hand pump...it's easier to be creative when the flow is already going. If the pump loses its prime, it's hard to get it going again. I put a demand on my own creative for a season, but then it hit a point where my demand wasn't enough...there needed to be an outlet for what I created. And there wasn't. So the pump quit pumping and it lost the prime.
I guess I'm really hoping the issue is number 4...that I just lost the ability to inspire myself to create for the sake of creating; even if number 1 is true, that level 5 - 6 creative needs some kind of expression. So...hoping to re-prime the pump, so to speak, by being in the land of the Bible, with folks who definitely are in the 9 - 10 range of creative expression. But other than that...I really have no personal agenda. Just go and observe and absorb.
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