"Baby Bird's Gotta Fly Sometime...."

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

WARNING: Much rambling reminiscing ahead to set up the news I'm sharing in the end...lol...

In the late 90's, we were still in our little denominational church, doing...well, lots of stuff.

My Sweet Babboo made several trips to Promise Keeper Events, and, despite originally not wanting to go, even went to the rally they had in Washington DC in...was it '98?  A start up Christian Satellite TV service offered a deal during their start--up...purchase the equipment with a one-time membership fee and have free Christian satellite for life (well, 'Life' was about 10 ish years before they closed up shop, but I guess we got our money's worth); the kicker was that they were going to broadcast that Washington PK rally live.

So we made the investment so I could watch.  It was awesome.

One of the channels, we discovered, carried a program from Morningstar Ministries  .  30 minutes every Sunday at 2 PM; one worship song and a portion of a teaching from one of their conferences.  String two or three programs together and get the whole message.

We came home, ate dinner, then turned on the VCR and recorded the program as we sat with our Bibles and soaked it in.

I have compared that to the ravens feeding Elijah.

At first, the worship seemed rather strange to us 1st-2nd-and-last-verse folks, but it grew on us.  And, through a series of events, we ended up at their New Year's Conference the last few days of December, 2000, at the location where most of the broadcasts had been filmed - New Life Christian Fellowship Church in Jacksonville, Florida.

The Princess was (barely) 15,  the Artist was 12, the Actor was 7 and the Flute Player was still 7 years away from picking up a flute at age 4.  We had a marvelous time and there were lots of good things that came from that weekend.

In a -wow, I don't believe this- sort of way, before 2001 was over, we had changed churches and the church we ended up in was pastored, as it turned out, by the former senior associate pastor of that very church in Jacksonville, Florida.  They had left just about a year and a half before we were there to start the church in the Rocket City.

Fast forward 17 years...through more uncanny events and amazing relationships, The Actor has just been offered a staff position on the children's ministry team at...you guessed it...New Life Church in Florida.  Where he happened to attend a conference as a 7 year old kid.

Who would ever have thought.

I'm still kind of in denial, I think.  I'm so proud of him for taking this step, but, wow, thatsa long way from home for a kid who has to make the jump to self-supporting.

I just keep reminding myself that Jacob had nothing when he headed to Haran and God took care of him just fine...

He's packing up; he'll take basic necessities with him and his dad and I will come down with a van load of stuff once he gets himself a place with space. He's going to be sleeping on an air mattress w/ friends for a bit.

We'll be down to one kiddo in the house after that.  Gonna be a big change.

But it's the right kind of change.

Clogging up the Works

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I thought I could get around it by focusing on a Bible study.

But no.

I can't write the next Bible study post because The Transition is what's occupying all of my journal space and word smithing.

Even though I am trying not to have those imaginary conversations...

This is the last week of the 'fasting and keeping silent', but I'm not sure how much I will talk about it once I've passed the limit.  It's going to be difficult, however it plays out.

Not only because it hurts so doggone much, but because  ANYTHING I say could be misconstrued or misinterpreted.

And I am determined to do this right.

Because it would be so easy to get 'in the flesh' and do it wrong. But there is no closure in going that route; it only increases the potential for damage done.

So.

I will just say that two books, both of which I have read some time ago, have been influential in how I'm working my way through this. 

Both are by John Bevere... Under Cover, which is about being under authority, and Bait of Satan, which is about the trap of allowing oneself to be offended.  The principles taught in those two volumes have been extremely helpful in this season.

And I have had one revelation myself.  Yesterday in worship, I realized that so long as I keep focused on Jesus, on what the Holy Spirit is saying to me through this, I am at peace and contented, recognizing that all things are working together according to his purpose.  It's when I look around me, trying to decide who's responsible for these decisions and why and what is the impact it's going to have on folks I care about and...and...and...that I become upset and grief stricken and angry and all those things that go with it.

So that's a no-brainer, right?

Reminding myself...

This is a Facebook note I wrote in January, 2009:
This Was God's Idea
Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 10:43am

I have to remind myself of that.

It's just the sort of thing He would do...put us in a house with a staggering, budget stretching mortgage and then tell us to fix it up.

When we bought the house back in 2005, the home inspector gave us a green light on it; in fact, he seemed impressed with it. There were only a few things that he recommended the seller fix for us.

We since have learned that its beauty is only skin deep. And the fixes, when they happened, either didn't fix the problem or were done improperly and created new problems. Everything...and I mean everything...in this house appears to have been done as cheaply as possible to look good. It was all about appearances.

It looks pretty good from the curb; it's in a nice neighborhood. This house shouldn't be like this.

But God was obviously in charge of us getting into this house. Never once did I pray asking Him to make it work. My prayer was that, if we were not *supposed* to be here, the deal would fall through somehow. I didn't want to live in a house that wasn't in His plan. Especially one that came with such a big debt load.

But, unlike all the others we were interested in before this one, it didn't fall through, even though there were opportunities for it to fall through. So I have to conclude that God put us here. I considered the mortgage to be the giant in the promised land and reminded myself of that over and over when the worries hit me late at night.

Now there are repairs needed that cannot be postponed. And that budget-breaking mortgage does not leave us resources for them. So, I confess, I was rather put out with My Heavenly Father. It didn't make sense.

And do you know what He did? He pointed me to Hosea and reminded me that it didn't make sense for a man of God to marry a prostitute, either.

Could it be possible that there is some sort of illustration here?

The people we purchased the house from were not Christians; they practiced a pagan religion. Somehow, I began to see the message how pagan philosophy is all about appearances...nothing good and solid on which to build something. Our task is to restore structural integrity to a house that has only a nice appearance. Yes, a powerful illustration.

Also an expensive one. But if this is what God wants us to do, He's got the resources for it. My prayer now is that we'll be strategic in finding and using those resources.

It was, after all, His idea.

We just had a contractor in yesterday to look at FURTHER repairs needed from, basically, the same issue...cheap materials and construction processes. And, once again, we've found that the repairs should've been made LONG ago, and, since they weren't, there is much more extensive work required to a)fix the bad stuff and b) stop further problems.

So I searched back through my FB notes to find that post and remind myself what we're doing and why. This is His idea. His illustration.

And, oh, we have a Wedding happening in less than 8 weeks. Hopefully Phase 1...the essential structural repairs...will be done by then.

I am not going to panic. I am choosing to Trust.

My part, at the moment, is to clear all my sewing stuff from the area by the end of the week. And find SOMEWHERE to put it...

I'm not comfortable with that...

2011 is almost half way through. Can you believe it?

It has been an astonishing year...and that's just the weather.

The changes I felt coming back when the year started still have not fully manifested; I still am not sure what, exactly is going to change. But I told a friend at church last night that I refuse to hit December 31 and still be the same as I was on Jan. 1.

I don't yet know where I'm going, but I'll tell you what God's been doing.

He's been pointing out individuals to me who have had great doors opened to them, and he has shown me that those folks sacrificed much in order to devote themselves to the pursuit of God and the call of their heart's passion.

I'm beginning to wonder just how willing I really am to make similar sacrifices.

I'm finding out that I am quite the creature of comfort. I like the familiar, well-worn patterns...even if they're not terribly productive or influential. They are comfortable.

But it's becoming more and more apparent that, where ever I'm going, I'm going to have to give up comfortable.

And do you know what? My 'self' is Not Liking This One Bit.

Which is beginning to make me wonder if the one of the greatest enemies we have to overcome is Comfort. Physical comfort, emotional comfort, spiritual comfort...none of it is truly compatible w/taking up the cross and dying daily.

If I'm honest, the more I'm looking at this, the more I'm convinced that Comfort has very nearly been an idol in my life. And it's time to tear down that altar and make uncomfortable choices. How could I choose to stay where I'm comfortable and not draw closer to Him? Never *see* if I could walk in His presence as those who He has pointed out to me do?

Oh, no, I'm not comfortable with that at all.

Stop and Rest

All last week, I tried to get to the computer to post some insights I'd gained during the fast; however, computer time is still at a premium in our corner of The Rocket City, and I just couldn't get it done.

Then, last Friday, I got results of a blood test and found out that I've got an active mononucleosis infection. Well, that DID explain a lot.

So now I'm trying to figure out how to stop everything and rest. I'm not doing so well; I was at work about 4 hours yesterday and 2 1/2 more today.

I have sub teachers for my Wednesday night class for the next couple of weeks; if I can find someone to cover the Sunday morning class I will stay home all weekend...I've already gotten excused from choir for the rest of the month.

At first, I thought...yeah, rest...I can sit at home with my Bible and my notebooks and just spend the day with Jesus! How wonderful!

But I'm falling asleep when I sit still. My plan (did you catch that? "MY PLAN"? ) to use my resting time productively isn't working so well. At least not yet, because I haven't sat down to rest until I've Hit The Wall.

So...all that reflecting I did during the Jubilee year about rest is now going to come home to roost. Until I've rested, I'm not much good for anything. And if I *don't* rest, it's only going to get worse, not better.

This is an exercise in trust...trust that the people to whom I have delegated things will carry them out. That's hard for me; I've been let down seriously many times in the past. But now it's not a trust of the PEOPLE...I've got to trust GOD that He'll work through the people. And I've got to learn to let go of the details that, just maybe, aren't as important as I thought they were.

Friends, I've got to completely drop MY AGENDA.

I thought I had gotten rid of my agenda along time ago. But, guess what, I found out I still have one. It's just not the same one it used to be.

So, I will continue to reflect whilst (hopefully) contemplating the back of my eyelids as much as possible in the next couple of weeks, and, once I've rested enough, post something. ;)

Before You Speak...

Today, I heard a remark (that was not directed specifically to me) that really started me thinking...

'[It's apparent] when you've been thinking then speaking, and then when you've been praying then speaking.'

Wow. I tend to be pretty lame at even thinking before I speak; sometimes my mouth opens just so I can stick my foot in it. But praying before I speak...wow.

Now, on occasion, I do pray before I speak. When I have to address a delicate situation; when I have to teach...y'know,on occasion. But to routinely pray before I say anything? That's a paradigm shift.

But I bet I'd suffer much less foot-in-mouth disease if I made it a regular practice.

Cause, you know, if other people can tell the difference between a thought-based word and a prayer-based word, I should be much more particular to keep my words prayer-based.

A Change of Hats?

More like a complete wardrobe change.

Y'know, for the past 11 months I've been like the cleanup lady at work...I come in and do the odd little routine jobs so that the ladies with the real jobs can work more on those tasks.

I kinda liked being the cleanup lady. I didn't have any really major responsibilities. Do my time, go home. Tend the kids. Sew costumes. Blog now and then.

But it looks like all that's gonna change. We had a department meeting today, and we all got specific assignments. My office maintenance jobs have been passed around...I'm going to become, for want of a better term, the Data Base Administrator.

Now, ya'll, I have a degree in computer science. So it's not unthinkable. But...wow, I had a mental picture of going to a dented metal cabinet, unlocking it with a rusty key and hearing it creak as I opened it while spider webs snapped and a moth flew out.

I've been helping a bit w/some of the data base chores...y'know, the routine ones...but I only know what I needed to know to do that. I've got a LOT to learn. I'll confess, I'm just a little intimidated. Which is silly.

But I'd gotten very comfortable in the cleanup lady role.

On the way home, I remembered something Rita Springer spoke over the congregation in a recent worship service at church. I wrote it down in my journal, because it kinda echoed in my spirit. It was, 'There are talents that you have buried; this year the Lord is going to ask you to go back and retrieve them.'

My CS degree did not pop into my head at that moment. But...hmm...

A Word in Due Season

God is really amazing.

Three church services this morning...and all three contained insights that ministered straight to my weary-in-fighting-the-battle self. Nothing I didn't really already know, but reminder after reminder that He is in control.

First service I taught the high school MPact club...we're doing a unit on Family Relationships which, to be honest, has been pretty much of a snoozer. But today we looked at Joseph and his dysfunctional family of origin, and I was reminded in my own exposition that God uses all things to bring about His plan and purpose.

I sat in second service and listened to the message...which, among other things, was an exhortation to position myself for fellowship and intimacy w/God...to keep first things first.

Third service we left the regularly scheduled message altogether and just had a time of worship and prayer and ministry. Pastor specifically prayed for those who were getting weary in the battle and feeling dry.

No, nothing in our situation has really changed. But my Father reminded me that I am still His daughter, and He can be trusted. He gently pointed out to me that I haven't been doing the daily pursuit as I had intended and I realized with a shock that, good grief, it's been 3 months since I stated my plan to do that! What happened?

No matter now. His mercies are new every morning. Tomorrow is a new day.

Paradigm Shifting

Ok, take a little time slipping by with a whole lot of busy thrown in, and now I can be a little more objective about my faux pas of a couple of weeks ago.

It is my perspective that is/was out of line. Not wrong, you understand, but not in line with the leadership I'm under. The paradigm that worked when I was the sole youth worker in a small church has run me headlong into a brick wall twice in the seven months I've been in this particular position in a very large church.

And we must all be lined up for the ministry to be as effective as possible.

So, in a nutshell, I need to get in line. I don't like hitting brick walls -- it makes my head hurt.

But, this means I need to shift my personal ministry paradigm. And that's were Romans 12:2 comes in.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

See, the 'pattern of this world' dictates standing up for one's rights, ideas, viewpoints. But that's not how things work in the Kingdom of God.

Now, I really and truly thought I understood submission to authority. And, in some areas, that's true. It's not difficult for me to see the difference between seeking my own way vs. seeking to serve. What tripped me up, and what I have just realized in the last week or so, is that I had problems submitting when the subject wasn't me but something I cared passionately about. It's not wanting *my* way at all, but wanting what's best for the area in which I'm serving that got me into trouble. That's a whole 'nother level of submission to authority. Because it goes beyond me to others. And, because we're standing in different places with different viewpoints, 'what's best' looks different.

So, what I have to do is move my viewpoint. Because I am under the leadership. This doesn't necessarily mean that I absolutely agree with it, but it does mean that I absolutely support it. (Disclaimer: we are not talking about differences in beliefs, only differences in methodology).

And that totally flies in the face of any kind of worldly notion of sense. But -- remember what I wrote last week? Romans 12:2 has a promise. That when we refuse to conform to the pattern of the world, we will be able to test and see what God's will is for that situation. So, to be able to test and approve what God's will is in this area, I need to make sure that my heart/mind is totally out of alignment with what the world/common sense viewpoint might be. Because God is able to make all things work together for good...even if I don't see it as 'good'. Ultimately, I am not the one responsible to set the direction...my leadership is. And, ultimately, I'm not the one responsible for the kingdom to be manifested in the areas in which I'm ministering -- God is.

What I am responsible for is to pray for my leadership...that God will lead and they will hear, then keep myself lined up with the vision they are implementing. Then I'm responsible to prayerfully fulfill my duties under their direction to the best of my ability and leave the rest to God.

The paradigm shift involves both changing my viewpoint AND not fussing about it. It's trusting God to work through methods that may not appear to be 'the best' to my intellect. Furthermore, I have to admit that what looks 'the best' to me may not really be 'the best' at all.

That works very well with the context of verse 2, following after the exhortation in verse 1 to offer your bodies as living sacrifices and preceding the instruction in verse 3 Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought.

I honestly believe this is a test. Even a pretty basic test. One I'm determined to pass.

Because, you know, my head hurts. ;)

One Door Closes, Another Opens.

Fresh starts.

That's a Jubilee thing.

And, ya know, I had a feeling this was the year for this particular change.

I didn't go hunting a job; I prayed for income. And the job sorta came to me.

So. After 23 years of being a SAHM, I filled out all the paperwork today and am now officially a part-time employee of my church, working in the accounting/human resources offices. Aside from my nervousness at having actual responsibilities outside the home, I'm finding myself much more melancholy about it than I expected.

It marks the end of an era. I'm suddenly wondering things like, 'Did I hug my kids enough when I had the chance?' Because I now have a title other than Mom.

I guess it really is a milestone of life; the return to work because the kids have grown enough that they don't need 24/7 parenting...and they're involved in things with, um, more expenses than just packages of diapers. (Note to self: The Actor's Production Fee is due tomorrow for the spring musical...).

Logistically, it's actually about perfect; I'll be working while the kids are in school, three days a week. I can shift the hours around as necessary for things like dentist/orthodontist appointments. So, as far as the kids know, things won't be too different. Actually, it's probably less time working at church than I put in when we're working on costumes for a dramatic production, so it shouldn't be so far out of the ordinary.

But the world feels different today. And I'm not really as excited about it as I thought I would be.

Once I figure out how it's all going to fit together, though, I think I'll be ok. There's just a lot to fit together.

Emotionally...psychologically...not to mention there are now three employed people living this household, and we only have two cars. *That's* going to take some creativity!

At least my co-workers are excited that I'm on board. Appreciation like that is a new thing, too... ;-)

Nonconformist

For a lot of reasons, I'm not going to go into this much today. Maybe by next week I'll have enough distance for my perspective to be less clouded.

When God works on you, He works on you good.

But -- the verse that I'm pondering and hope to discuss a little bit with, hopefully, some pertinent application is Romans 12:2.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then, you will be able to test and approve what God's will is...his good, pleasing and perfect will.

If that isn't a challenge with a promise, I don't know what is.

Not a Morning Person

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Does anyone besides me read Proverbs 31 and wonder when on earth that lady had her Quiet Time??? I see head-spinning busyness in that passage...but no 'sit down and spend time with God' allotment....

I've struggled with setting aside time for study and reflection on a regular basis. My best time is in the evening, when everyone else is in bed and the house is quiet,when I'm not fretting about what I'm not doing, when I'm reasonably awake (if I could live life by my internal clock, I'd probably go to bed around 1:30 or 2 am and sleep till 10ish...but, the rest of the world doesn't run that way, so I fight that inclination.) But, My Sweet Baboo IS a Morning Person, which means he is NOT a Night Owl, which means he likes to retire for the evening right after the young 'uns are settled. Now, I'm just going to say that I would be a very unwise wife to stay up to commune with God every evening, so I can't schedule my Quiet Time in my preferred time slot.

It has worked somewhat during summer vacations in the past to do a designated Quiet Time from, say, 9:30 - 10 every morning. I called the kids in, told them it was time to read their Bibles and write in their journals and set the timer and we all found a spot to do that. But when I'm home alone and don't have to set aside that time for EVERYONE, I tell myself things like 'I'll throw this load in the laundry and then I'll sit down' and suddenly, while throwing the load in the laundry, I'll realize I've got to get a check out in the mail that very day, and that leads to noticing the mess on the computer desk and starting to clear it away...and while I'm here, I'll just check my email real quick...oh, there's something that needs a response...and so goes the morning and then the day and I've not sat down with my Word.

In our monthly Night of Worship this past Sunday, I really felt like I heard God instruct me to get up at 5 AM and spend time with Him. And so far this week, I've gotten up and read and journaled...barely keeping my eyes open. My journal writing is a semi-legible scrawl. I'm not sure I'm getting anything out of it other than the discipline of obedience, but even if that's the only benefit I'll see for the time being I'm determined to be obedient.

And maybe when school is out in a couple of weeks I'll be released to do Quiet Time with the kids again... ;)