For Whoever Needs This...

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Sometimes, listing to a sermon sparks a whole train of thought.  That happened this morning...sitting at my table, watching online, listening to a sermon taken from 1 John 3 and 4.

Pastor made a reference to people who believe that, because of what they have done in their past, the choices they've made, the people, they've hurt, whatever, God could not possibly love them.

Suddenly, the train left the station.

I don't know who might read this at any point ...whether it's ten minutes from the time I hit the Publish button or ten years later...if you found yourself agreeing with the statement 'God could never really love me,' Then this post is for you.

The point that stuck me suddenly is....you are not what you do.  In our culture, it's common to consider someone according to their occupation...housewife, engineer, nurse, teacher, janitor, waitress, etc.  It's one of the first questions we ask when we are getting to know someone. 'What do you do?'...and we have all heard the chiding from folks who study these things that say it's not good for us to sink our identity into our profession...into what we do.  Because, while we may be someone who teaches, or someone who has medical knowledge to care for the sick and injured, or someone who knows how to run complicated mathematical algorithms to build amazing vehicles or buildings...that's is still just what we do.  It is not...identity.

By the same token, someone who has made bad choices, who has deceived or hurt others for their own advantage, who has been angry at God and deliberately undertook to get back at Him for some perceived injustice, who has [you fill in the blank with your particular issue]...is not what they did.  That is not their identity.  It is just what they did.

Now, humans don't see past that.  We are limited in our vision. We judge, point fingers, write people off...God help us.  But God...God sees through the murk and mess of bad choices and reprehensible actions.  He looks through the layers of consequences that seem to trap people in their error.  He shuts out the lies of the enemy declaring that the actions have made us unloveable.  

Because He knows every human child is created in His image.  He knows that every person who has breath has value.  

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -- Rom 5:8, NIV 84

People love conditionally.  God loves unconditionally.  While we were still in rebellion, still living according to our own agendas, still refusing to listen to Him or even appreciate what He was doing...Jesus died on our behalf so we could be restored to Him.

And that has nothing whatever to do with anything any individual walking around on the planet did or did not do.  He has already done it for you.  It is already there.  He loves YOU, and whatever you have done, whatever pain you have caused, whatever foulness you have gotten involved in doesn't matter.  

You do.

All you have to do is receive that love and let Him straighten everything out.  Because that's what He does.

In Which Tigger Gets [Her] Bounce Back

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

The mug was a Christmas gift from one of my kids...The Princess, I believe...years ago.

'Tigger' was my nickname back in high school.  Won't go into how that came about, but it was appropriate.  Tigger is a Sanguine, bouncing enthusiastically through life and occasionally bumping into others without intention or malice.  Tigger didn't care a fig for anyone's opinion...in fact, it didn't even seem to occur to him that others would assign different motives to his actions than he meant.  He is genuinely astonished when the other inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood (namely Rabbit, the Choleric, of course) insist that he has to give up his bouncing.  He walks away, shoulders slumped, tail dragging, all joy gone...but not bouncing, as that is No Longer Allowed.  It Offended the others.
Of course, all is well in the end; Roo can't stand to see Tigger so despondent and intercedes for him with the others, so that finally even Rabbit relents and agrees that Tigger can bounce.  Rabbit even figures out what his big feet are for and begins to bounce a bit himself.

I have, in my past, an extended season of inadvertently bouncing into others.  Dumbfounded, at times, that what I said/did would be interpreted as it was. I was judged and found wanting. People were hurt.  It was my fault.

Slowly...or not so slowly...I began to be cautious of what I said.  Worry about how my words or actions might be interpreted.  It was self-imposed, but the bounce, over time, went away.  I quit offering so much of myself, because, well, nobody wanted it and it didn't go over well and...why bother?  Save myself and others the pain and just walk from place to place. Quietly.

And, you know, after a while that began to feel normal.  Oh, every now and then something in me would rise up and want to go leaping off somewhere, but I'd give myself a stern talking-to about how I can't do that, people wouldn't understand, I'd get into or cause trouble...and, believe me, if I didn't get myself talked to in time, there are plenty of folks around me who don't miss a chance to point out that I have overstepped my boundaries; some of whom I care for very much, so their critique goes deep. Anyway, I'd have a good cry someplace when no one was looking and shake it off and settle back down.

But if you asked me, really asked, I might tell you that I didn't feel quite myself.  I felt...confined.  Restrained...and strained.  I observed folks who had no trouble bouncing in their giftings; I tried to figure out what the fundamental flaw in my character or personality was that meant I was not one of those people.

I finally decided I just wasn't good enough.  Or perceptive enough.  Or compassionate enough.   Or something.  Or maybe I was too loud.  Too pushy.  Too impulsive.  Or something.

The flaw was in me.  Whatever it was, it was in me.

The world agreed.

And even though I knew it was a lie, I didn't want to be an offense to those around me. I might hurt them.  Or mess something up.  Better to just keep the status quo.

But, you know, God uses all kinds of things to bring truth into a life;  even a truth that could be twisted around to mean something altogether different.

A couple of weeks ago, My Sweet Babboo and I finally saw 'The Greatest Showman'.

And when I came home, I looked around and found this video:



In the context of the movie, the song is powerful, but somehow the workshop version spoke to me on a whole 'nuther level.

Won't let them break me down to dust; I know that there's a place for us
For we are glorious!

I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be....this is me.

I'm not afraid to be seen, I make no apologies...this is me.

I have watched that video over and over...Keala overcomes HER fear to sing it.  And she is glorious.

Why have I let 'the world' , 'the others'  even 'some whom I care about very much'  convince me that I am flawed beyond use?  That I must limit my creativity and expression to suit somebody else's expectations?  That I have no real place? Or that my place is filling gaps and doing things that need doing but no one else wants to do?

Where did the creativity and expression that I have COME FROM, for goodness' sake?

I am back to John 5:44 - How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?

How can I believe if I let the fear of criticism or misunderstanding of others keep me from doing that which God has put in me to do?

This has been a long time coming, and I have some long-standing self-editing habits that are going to have to be rooted out and overturned and I really don't even know how to do it anymore...but it's time to start bouncing again.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ok. It's a rant.

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

And a rant, well, tends to ramble.

It's been brewing since something jumped out at me from my Facebook newsfeed a few days back:

True Christians will denounce the sin of racism!

Now, to be honest, I don't remember who posted it, other than I recollect being surprised at it because this wasn't posted by someone who normally discusses how a Christian life is properly lived out before God.

And, you know, what I have been hearing, for the past year or so, mostly from the non-active-Christian portion of my newsfeed either  by posted links, memes or statuses, is that Christians have no business denouncing sin.   < sarcasm> Because, you know, Christians are just hypocritical bigots who follow a bunch of man-made, white-priveledge, homophobic, archaic rules that benefit them and nobody else.< /sarcasm>

So I was somewhat surprised that now, all of a sudden, Christians are expected to denounce sin.

Or at least the politically correct sin to denounce.  That one is okay.  Denounce away.

Of course racism is a sin.  Christianity, above all religions, is, at its core, racially and ethnically inclusive.
For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus,...there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Gal. 3: 26, 28)

But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.  For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. (James 2:9 -10)

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit -- just as you were called to one hope when you were called -- one Lord, one faith, one baptism;  one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.  (Eph. 4:3-6)

Hatred is a sin. Wait.  I didn't say that right.  Hating people is a sin...there are some things that are properly hated. There are things God hates.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft;  hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like.  I warn you, as I did before,  that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  (Gal. 5:19-21)

So, are we not to denounce the other things that God hates?  The other sins that we commit?  Those things in that Galatians list that will keep people from inheriting the kingdom of God?

No?  Just racism?  Doesn't that sound just a little bit, oh, I don't know...inconsistent?

Has anyone noticed that meanings of the words have been twisted around and turned upside down and inside out and now nobody knows what they mean?

I thought 'Hate' meant that you actively wish something destroyed, undone, obliterated...but apparently it now means that you disagree with someone.

I thought 'Love' meant that you hope and work for another's long-term good, even if they don't always agree with you.  But apparently now that means you will support and accept anything that the other person wants to do, so long as it makes them happy at that moment.  And, of course, if you don't...or if you disagree with them...then it's 'hate'.

Whose idea was it to mess with the meanings of words???

Some folks seem to have forgotten that freedom of speech does not include an obligation for anyone to listen.  Just because someone is spouting ugliness doesn't mean you have to get in there and throw it back at them.  Sometimes the best way to get such attention-demanding obnoxiousness to go away is simply to yawn and turn your back and refuse to be the audience.  Sharing an outrageous post with an indignant comment really only gives it more exposure.  I mean, look at the last whatever you shared on FB...what is more prominent, the thing you shared or your comment about it?  See what I mean?

One of my favorite reads is CS Lewis's Space Trilogy...and the final book, That Hideous Strength is nearly prophetic.  Especially in the bit about how the press was manipulated.  The same organization was behind the news in both the liberal and the conservative press in order to jerk the chains of both.

News bites from either side of OUR political spectrum seem to be following that pattern now; one prints only what the other omits and neither presents an accurate picture of what actually happened.

Anything can be edited to say, well, anything.  Both political camps are crackerjack editors.

How does one be a true light in such craziness?  When even folks who claim to follow Christ can't stomach to hear what He said?

These are the words of him who holds the seven spirits of God and the seven stars.  I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive but you are dead.  Wake up!  Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God.  Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent.(Rev. 3:1b - 3a)

We best denounce racism by working for the kingdom alongside our brothers and sisters of all races and skin tones, and there are those who have been doing that for years.  One body, one Spirit, one Lord.

I don't know if that will appease the person who put up that post or not.  But it really doesn't matter either way.

Lies the Enemy Tells Me # 4: 'You're on your own here.'

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

(Part 2 of the ruminations on Hagar)

This is a lie the enemy has been telling me for years and years.  Ever since I first found myself in a position of leadership...and that goes back to High School youth group.

It's a twist on something that IS true...leaders carry more responsibility, just because they are leaders.  One or two missteps, misspoken words,  even giving the appearance of not caring about something can cause a train wreck of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, offense...sometimes it goes beyond anything that can be repaired by anything other than the work of the Holy Spirit.

And if you've been hanging around Beer Lahai Roi for long, you know that even in the relatively short seveninsh years I've been here I've had my share of blunders.

So somewhere back there the true fact that leaders are under stricter scrutiny twisted itself into the lie that I have to carry all my wounds myself; I have to be the strong one who is not offended; I have to be the perfect example of how to handle the punches and twists that are part of living on a planet full of humans... lest I cast any kind of negative reflections of the church I'm in, the ministry I serve, or the Lord himself on folks who are looking to me as a leader and teacher.

It wasn't the 'I don't need anybody' lie...it was 'I can't admit to needing anybody.'

This is a hard one to counteract, because it lives right next door to the truth. Hit it too hard and it will ricochet off the truth and make a bigger mess.  This one has to be gently extracted.

And 'gentle' ain't my long suit.

The discussion of Hagar last month pointed out that Hagar carried her sorrows herself.  She had no one to take them to, no one to give her counsel and perspective.  This, the teaching indicated, was a large part of her problem.  She didn't even really go to God with her problems...she went into the desert and He came to her.  She obeyed what He said, but her heart didn't change.

Because issues that get stuffed, that are denied, that are not healed, always cause bigger problems later.

In the service that night, we all repeated to each other 'I need you.'

I need you to keep me accountable, I need you to keep me on track, I need you to pray for me when I don't know what to pray for myself, I need you to help me stand when I feel too weak.

I need you to remind me that I am not on my own.

And, of course, I'm not on my own.  I'm at the well of the One Who Sees Me, so I am not alone....but thinking that I don't dare share with anyone else, because it will reflect badly on Him...that's a lie.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed - James 5:16a, NASB

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed - James 5:16a, MSG

Smashing the Pumpkin

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi 

As I mentioned in the first post, Wednesday night we had an impromptu pumpkin-smashing event.

Someone mentioned that it works better with watermelons, because they are so much easier to break, but, well, this country gal thought that would be a colossal waste of watermelon.

But, in October, pumpkins are easier to find anyway.

So, there we all were in Rita's driveway, standing around the tarps, each of us with a small pie pumpkin.

The first couple of folks did not say what the lies were that they were consciously breaking, but once someone mentioned it then the rest followed suit.

I was working hard to remember the three lies I had posted about  back when I was working through the early bits of Rita's Finding Eve study, before she had to pull it since the publisher apparently decided to do one (I meant to ask her what the status on that was, but I never thought about it at the opportune moment).

So I wasn't quick to jump in...I wanted to remember them correctly.

We had some pauses and some time to think in between.  It was kind of a pensive thing, interspersed with moments of violent release.

I could remember two of them... 'You are Flawed' and 'You're a Jinx', but the third one...I could remember what it was, but not the word I used for it.  So I pondered that as two or three others broke their pumpkins.

And I was surprised by something...how nice the pumpkin felt in my hands.  It was a comfortable size for me...not too heavy, but large enough to be substantial.

I began to be reluctant to throw it on the ground.

My mind began spinning with the spiritual implications of that.  Of course the lies are comfortable...we wouldn't hang on to them otherwise.  Of course they're tailored just for us...the enemy makes sure we feel an identification with them.  It becomes part of who we are.

One of the ladies commented as she approached the tarp with her pumpkin.  'This is serious.  Once I break this, I've got to be done with it.'

Yes.

As I held my nice little pumpkin, something in me got mad...not just at the reluctance to break the pumpkin/break the lies, but at the perfectionist insistence that I get that third lie just right.  So I quit trying to get the specific word and just looked for a word that worked to describe it.

The word I came up with was 'Inadequate' (The actual lie was 'You are Disappointing' -- close enough).

Once I had that third lie labeled, it was time.

The first slam into the ground split it; I picked it up by the stem and hurled it again, breaking it open.

I will NOT believe that I am flawed, that I'm a jinx, that I am disappointing/inadequate.  I am created in His image, to do the works that He ordained for me from the beginning.

And I got an application for that before I came home.

We are doing a book study at church...on Wednesday nights and in small groups.  My Sweet Babboo and I are doing the study in a small group that meets on Sunday mornings, in between 1st and 2nd service worship, so there is no need for me to go to the Wednesday night service.

Except to hang out in the youth group.  Which I had been doing, to kind of facilitate the girls who had been in my class to move into the group.  I'd actually been asked to do that.  But, the last couple of Wednesdays I'd been in there, the girls were moving with the others.  They didn't need me...and I had neither a real purpose nor  a place in the adult leadership.  It was getting increasingly awkward.

So I prayed, 'God, what do you want me to do on Wednesdays?'

And I actually heard the answer, 'I'm not requiring you to go.'

I was surprised. We are ALWAYS at church.  It's...expected...

'No.  You can stay home.  Work on your decluttering.  Do some laundry.  Sew something.'

So, kind of as a statement that I have broken that 'other people's opinion' thing, for the next 4 Wednesdays, while they're doing the study, I'll be home.

Doing some laundry.  Working on the decluttering.  Maybe even sewing something...

Lies the Enemy Tells Me - # 3: 'You are Disappointing'

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

There were several similar lies that all generated around the same time in my life; I struggled with how to articulate them until I realized that they weren't just similar, they were all different ways of expressing the same thought.

But 'You are Disappointing' is not the same as 'You are Flawed'.  Lie #2 deals with a misconception about who I am, Lie #3 is about what I do.

I would put this in late childhood.  I was a reader and a dreamer...and my farm family relatives were practical, hard workers.  'Book smarts' were nothing compared to 'common sense'.   Good grades were not valued over hard work.

And I was not good at seeing things that needed doing, let alone doing them.  I'd much rather read a book than pick strawberries.

Lazy.  Won't amount to a hill of beans.  Not pulling your weight.

I heard all of that at one time or another and I didn't know how to refute it.  Especially if I got caught reading while everyone else was working.

Shirking.

Consequently, I eventually trained myself to work extra hard when the critics were around.  Cousins would go off and socialize, but I would stay with the aunts, washing dishes, cleaning up...I felt like I had to do more work just to be thought equal, because I had to overcome the negative expectations everyone seemed to have.

They didn't, of course.  That was the lie.  Oh, we had our cross wise moments, but the enemy took those negative opinions and turned them into a curse.

And the curse caused me to become a people pleaser...it turned me from Mary into Martha, trying to earn approval by what I did.

It almost always backfired.  I remember one day, somewhere around grade 7 - 9ish,  when we were doing yardwork.  I tackled a job that was really too big for me. I wanted to achieve something that would bring approval.  But that task was so big I couldn't even make a dent in it.  I labored at it and labored at it but got nowhere...and then I got into trouble for my obvious attempt to get out of doing any work by pretending to work away at something I couldn't move.

I was devastated and went crying into the house.  That time, I did eventually tell my side and got heard and believed and actually got an apology...something that I don't ever remember happening at any other time...but, as I'm sure everyone knows,  no apology completely heals the wound.  There was still the knowledge that I had been perceived as being lazy and unproductive and calculating.  And that still hurt.

That lie still influences me.  I still fear disappointing; being thought  a slacker, a bad return on the investment, untrustworthy,  a sham, out of place, judged and found wanting.  When I am out of my own space, I still push myself to DO when others are wiping their hands and heading off to fellowship.  I feel awkward if I don't know what I can do.

I don't want to disappoint...people.

And that, my friend, is exactly where the enemy wants us.  Worrying about what people think instead of what God has meant for us. Because there's always something someone said that he can then repeat to us with a sinister twist, to make sure we interpret it in the worst possible way and then take it to heart.

Because that's not all I  heard, you understand.  There were awards I won, things I achieved, words of affirmation...some from the very people who had expressed their disappointment in me at other times.  But because of the lie, I overlooked or dismissed those things, frequently believing I really didn't deserve them.

Because of the lie.

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, of of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. - Gal 1:10

Ouch.

But here is the familiar truth...

For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb; I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  All your works are wonderful, I know that full well - Ps. 139: 13-14

I wasn't looking for this, but there was another promise that on the same page:

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;  - Ps. 138:8a

The 5th day in Rita's study guide spoke of battles; the battles that are God's battles that we try to fight  in our own strength.  As I studied this out, I suddenly realized that striving to please people, to be found worthy and acceptable to people is an indication that I am fighting in my own strength.   Because

When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him. - Prov 16:7

If my focus is truly pleasing God, HE will handle my relationships with those around me.  That is a battle that I do not have to fight.

That is one battle, one lie, that I am releasing. 

Here are a couple of other verses that I found on my journey, because you never know what verse will speak to whom:

"...I am pleased with you and I know you by name." - Ex. 33 17b

"For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD  was pleased to make you his own." - 1 Sam 12:22

And, even though I've already referenced this verse in this series, I'm going to list it again, because it speaks against this lie, too:

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  - Eph. 2:10

It's easy to forget that I have specific things I'm to do...and if I try to please others, I really am, perhaps, getting in the way of someone else who's trying to do the task that God meant for them.

SSMT Verse 20 - John 15:16

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

It's funny how some things all kind of dovetail together.

I had posted the first two posts in  the series on 'Lies the Enemy Tells Me'; then days 3 and 4 of the first week of the Finding Eve study guide instructed me to take a long look at... the lies the enemy told me.    On the Facebook page, Rita encouraged us to take as much time as we needed on this part; not to hurry.

There are at least two more posts coming on that series; but when I read "When you were told your first lie it was a direct hit against God's truth about you." I had to go back and look at the first lie.


And I was suddenly confronted with the idea that it wasn't a random attack; that that particular lie was told to me for a reason. What if...that lie was told to me because the Enemy was trying to drive me as far away from the truth as he could?  What if...that lie wasn't just a lie, but was the opposite of the truth?

As I pondered that, I found that a few lines down the page, she challenged us to pray, "Lord, I choose now to believe the opposite of those lies. I commit to you today that I am willing to believe in your purpose for my life. I choose the opposite of what all these lies have spoken."

What is the opposite of a jinx?

I was reeling.  This was new, uncharted territory.

There's a big difference between deciding something is simply not true and deciding that it is the exact opposite of the truth.

How would my prayer life be different if I really believed that the enemy told me I was a jinx because the opposite of it was true?

I looked at that verse I put on that post to counter the jinx lie; I'd used the ESV because that was what was handy at that moment, so I looked it up in NIV, thinking I'd use it for my next SSMT verse.  But somehow, it seemed a little less powerful in the NIV:

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

That reads as a linear thought -- you do this, then the Father will do that.  But when I read the ESV, it didn't seem quite so linear.  So I dug out my Greek/KJV interlinear and read:

Not ye me chose, but I chose you, and appointed you that ye should go and fruit should bear and the fruit of you should remain, that whatever ye may ask the Father in the name of me he may give you.

As convoluted and backward as that seems, it also appears that these are parallel thoughts, not linear.

For a better explanation, I pulled out the Amplified:

You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you - I have appointed you, I have planted you - that you might go and bear fruit and keep on bearing; that your fruit may be lasting (that it may remain, abide); so that whatever you ask the Father in My name [as presenting all that I AM] He may give it to you.

That breaks it down even more, with the semi colons, the thought becomes very clear:

I have chosen you  so that 1) you might bear fruit 2) that fruit will remain and 3) whatever you ask the Father in my name, He will give you.

The promise of whatever you ask is not dependent upon the first two phrases, it is parallel to them.  It is part of the reason Christ chose us ...chose me.

Notice, though, the implications of  asking something in Christ's name.  This is not just tacking on a formulaic, 'In Jesus' name I pray, Amen' on to the end of a prayer...this is standing in the place of Jesus in a situation, representing Christ in that situation and asking for what Jesus asks for.  That's a responsibility; that's relationship.

So I am breaking my little self imposed rule that I would memorize everything in NIV.  For this verse, I'm using the ESV:

You have not chosen me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.  John 15:16 ESV

Lies the Enemy Tells Me - # 2: 'You are Flawed'

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

This one may come across differently than I mean it to; I don't mean to imply that it is a lie that I am not perfect.

Of course I'm not perfect.  But this lie goes a lot deeper than that.

The implication here is that I have something wrong with my character that makes me less valuable as a person.

This is a lie that started in elementary school.  Of course, then that lie was worded as 'You have cooties'....

Who knows how the social order is established in a classroom...but in my little rural school, with about twelve classmates, I quickly became one of those on the bottom rung.  Was it because I had not interacted with kids in classroom settings much?  No kindergarten, very little Sunday School...my first real exposure to my peers was first grade.  I didn't know how to behave in a classroom setting...I'd never had to sit still and be quiet much at all.  I talked all the time.  I spent a lot of time in 'time out' ...sitting in a chair in the hallway outside the door (One of my older cousins started the rumor in the family that he saw me with my leg tied to the chair, but that never happened.  I don't know if he assumed that I was tied to the chair or if he saw something that made him think that or if he was just being ornery).  I remember the teacher actually taping my mouth shut with Scotch tape once...but I felt so silly that I giggled it off.

It is a fact that she retired after teaching that year.

It may have been because I was a huge story teller.  I made up crazy stories and tried to pass them off as truth.  I don't know why...an attempt to earn favor, somehow, maybe, but that sure backfired.  It really didn't stop until I was nearly in middle school and got called out by someone whose good opinion mattered to me.  The disgust in his voice at my story telling was the revelation that I needed in order to get a clue about being truthful.  I honestly don't recall that I ever did that again after that point...but the damage was done.

There were probably other social gaffes in my behavior that I did not recognize then or now.  But by the time I was in 3rd grade it was pretty clear that I was not on the same level as the others.

One incident in particular stands out from third grade...we had typical mid-1960's playground equipment; stuff that would be considered too dangerous for a schoolyard now.  Swings and monkey bars and teeter totters and a merry go round and a maypole type thing from which you could hang by your hands and swing round and round, feet off the ground.  I remember one recess, playing on the maypole by myself, when I noticed that my fellow 3rd graders were all on the merry go round, pushing it and pumping the bars to make it go pretty fast.  It looked like fun, so I went over and got on.

Every one of the other kids got off.  Immediately.  Then, they began to complain that I was contaminating the merry go round and I needed to get off so they could get on again.  Of course, it wasn't much fun to make it go 'round by myself, so I pretty quickly got off and went back to the maypole.

The others had the merry go round going at full speed in short order, and I went over again and tried to get on.  Once more they all got off and began to tell me to get off so they could get back on.  The merry go round slowed down to a crawl again, and I got off and went back to the maypole.

This incredible scenario repeated itself a third time, but after I got off the third time the first grade teacher, who had playground duty that day, went over to the merry go round and made all the third graders get off.  I don't know what she told them but those kids came over to me on the maypole and yelled at me for getting them into trouble.

'Peer rejection', the psychologists call it.

It changed shape a bit over the remainder of my school years, but it never went away.

And I swallowed the lie that there was something wrong with me, something bound up in my character that kept me from being likeable, respectable, credible.  Something that made me believe I was in the way, annoying, a bother.

And it got in deep.  So deep that it still, to this day, influences my behavior and my expectations.  It keeps me from offering ideas and suggestions.  Not always, but in places where I am not absolutely sure of my reception.  I rather sub-consciously expect to be dismissed, overlooked, not taken seriously.

But it still hurts when it happens.

This may be the most difficult lie to disengage...because rejection in one way or another is a common human experience.  There is nothing that is unusual or remarkable about it; it doesn't happen in my life any more than it happens in any other, even though that while I typed those words, the enemy threw up recent rejections, recent examples of not being taken seriously, recent scathing and belittling comments from those who are close to me to try and prove that  my statement was wrong.  

See how hard he resists the truth?

If you, like me, struggle with a vague undefined feeling that somehow you are not quite up to the standard of those around you, that you have been assessed by those whose opinions somehow matter and found wanting, here is what is true:

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Eph.2:10)

If God created us, for specific tasks that He has already prepared for us, how can we believe that we are flawed to the point of being useless and ineffective?

I am not flawed...I am God's own creation, and I have things to accomplish for Him.

Lies the Enemy Tells Me - #1: 'You're a Jinx'

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

As I did my study this morning, I was instructed to list lies that I had believed...lies the Enemy told me about myself.

I was amazed at what came out when I was writing in my journal; I thought I would share some of those, just in case someone else out there has heard the same sinister whispers and believed them.

I may have even blogged about some of these before...some, I know, will be seeing print for the first time, as I didn't want to face them.

But I'm going to start with the first lie.  I don't even think I'd started school yet when I heard this one.  But I remember it very well.

It was Christmas Eve.  We were just returning home from the annual dinner/gift exchange at Grandma's and someone had turned on the little black and white tv...a basketball game.

I do not have a clue who was playing...on the screen, all I could discern were white uniforms and dark uniforms.  For some reason, I decided I wanted one of the teams (and I don't remember which one) to win.

Suddenly, I thought that I needed to pretend, even in my thoughts, that I wanted the other team to win.

Because I knew, in one moment, that if I wanted one team to win, that would guarantee their loss.

In my child's mind, I thought ... if 'THEY' know who I want to win, 'THEY' will make sure the other team wins.

Stupid.  Incredible.  But I was convinced.

In my mind, I was a jinx.

I don't know where that came from, but that 'jinx' concept stuck.

It stuck through elementary school, where I was the last person picked to be on a team...usually with  groans.

It stuck through high school, where my school spirit posters mysteriously disappeared from the contest display.

It stuck in my prayer life... even as an adult, I had a nagging insecurity that said I should not name  anything specific, because that would insure it would not happen. And, of course, the Enemy would remind me over and over again of the prayers I prayed that apparently were not heard or answered as I wished.

But I am here to tell you, that is a lie.

Because God HAS answered my prayers.  He HAS blessed me abundantly.  He HAS done more than I could ask or imagine in so many ways.

But because I believed the lie, I couldn't see what He had done.

As I prayed over the lies today, the one thing that impressed me is that I was targeted.  The lies were the flaming arrows... the weapons of the enemy...that lodged and stuck.

And he fires those arrows at children.  Because if he can convince the child, he has silenced the adult.

But, for me and anyone else who has swallowed that lie, here is what Jesus said:

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you - John 15:16, ESV