Wrecked.

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi


Just...wrecked.

As with any grieving process, there are good days (mostly) and not-so-good days (that catch me by surprise)

The truth is that this isn't even a major grief; not really.  I mean, it's a volunteer position that got cancelled, if you really want to get down to the skinny on it.
That's all.

And yet, the church service today spoke to so much that is on simmer on the back burner, still being processed.

It began with the third song in the worship set today, an in-house song written by our own Adam Nelson and Johnny Okwu, titled 'All is Lost'.  We've sung it before, but today the words Hit. Me. Hard.:

Verse 1
In the midst of the silence
I will wait on you
Can I hear your voice
Pull me close

In the midst of my darkness
Will you shine your light
Bring me hope again
Speak to me

Chorus
And when all is lost,  I will find myself in You
 (repeat)

Verse 2
 In the midst of the silence
I will wait on you
Can I hear your voice 
Pull me close 

In the midst of my sorrow 
I will count it joy 
Just to follow 
Will you lead me Lord 

Bridge 
I will sing the song of the redeemed 
To my Savior, the one who rescued me
(repeat)

Y'all, I was on the front row of the choir in all three services.  I *did* have a kleenex in my pocket, but it's impossible to be discreet about mopping your face if you're on the front.  First service, I had to mop my face more than once.  My Sweet Babboo, who was sitting in an airport watching online as he traveled to an out of town meeting, texted me that he saw the kleenex in use.

Sigh.

I actually only sat in the service during the 9 AM session; the other two, I worked on data entry in my office and watched online.  Pastor's sermon was about the Face of Grace...and in describing God's grace, he described right where I was in dealing with trying to get over a hurt.

Good thing there was a box of tissue under the seat in front of me. I needed it all the way through that service.

I am recognizing that this is nothing to do with any one else and everything to do with learning to deal with it.  If people needed to do something, then I believe God would move on them to do so.  The fact that no one really associated with the issue has really reached out this way doesn't mean there's a problem with other people, it means that there's something here that I need to grasp; some adjustment that needs to be made and this is the only way it can happen.  And it may be that this is going to break off of me any inclination to look to other people to salve the wounds and teach me how to get those solutions from the Spirit myself.

If I land on the other side, in the place where I can think about what has past without grieving that it is over but rejoicing in the good that came of it, and I have learned the secret of not worrying about what other people think....then I'd say it was worth it, even if some days in that process my jeans pockets are damp when I get home and empty the kleenex out of them.

And I'll sing the song of the redeemed, because when all was lost, I found myself in Him...