God's Funny Like That.

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I noted yesterday that sometimes God will do things that don't turn out like I expect...thought I'd share a story...

Back in '95, I was in an especially hungry place spiritually. I was delighted to receive a brochure for a local non-denominational, non-church affiliated Christian Women's retreat and read that Anne Ortlund, author of Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman, a book that changed my life 20 years ago, was going to be the featured speaker.

I and a couple of other ladies from my church sent our registrations in right away, only to learn that the conference filled up almost overnight and we were on the waiting list.

I was devastated. I'd felt so sure that I was supposed to be at that conference. Days passed, weeks passed, and the week of the conference rolled around.

I was almost fasting (although fasting really wasn't part of my spiritual vocabulary at that time; I just was so emotionally invested I couldn't eat), praying that God would arrange things so we could go.

And, I really felt I heard Him tell me 'You will be there.'

Yet there was no phone call that we made it in.

The day of the conference, one of the other ladies and I decided we'd drive the hour to the conference site...just in case there were no-shows. We packed up, and arrived at the state park lodge about half way through the opening service. We checked in at the front desk, but so far there were not enough cancellations for us to get in. There were a few ladies who had come and were staying with friends, hoping to get into the conference also. We waited for the final latecomers to either show or no show, listening to the reactions of the ladies from the auditorium around the corner from the conference registration table. But, when the evening's session ended, we found that there was exactly the full number of conferees. There was no room for us.

So, we returned to the car and drove back to town. We had a great trip there and back, talking about things we never got a chance to talk about. Finally, I dropped my friend off and got home about midnight.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I was just beginning to try to hear from God, and I couldn't believe I mistook His voice. I heard from another friend the next day, who just happened to call to chat, and I related the story to her. 'I really wanted to be there!' I lamented to her, 'I really need an experience with God!'

'Oh!' She said, 'Our church has just started Henry Blackaby's Experiencing God study...I bet you could get still get into it!'

Long story short...I did get into it. And it changed my life. And through a connection made in that study I enrolled in Bible Study Fellowship the next fall.

I graduated from BSF seven years later. It also changed my life.

And my small group leader in the Experiencing God study was a link to the church we now attend.

And, while the friend who made the drive and I have gone different ways, we ran into each other at a wedding last summer, and she commented on that trip -- how good it had been and how much she'd enjoyed it. Somehow, the sharing we did ministered to her.

But, back in that day, I still had to reconcile what I thought I heard. And in my prayer time following the first few daily studies in Experiencing God, I rather remonstrated with my Father.

Lord, thank you for getting me into this study. But -- I really wanted to do the retreat. I thought you said I could go!

His reply...What are you complaining about? You WERE THERE, weren't you?

And, I had to agree...yes, I was there...

And it has led to so many things I didn't expect. All good.

God's funny like that.

Jubilee Monday #30 - Gulp!

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Ok, so I finally 'fess up to a dream of being a speaker/teacher to groups of women, and guess what shows up in my Bloglines list just a few days later:

A contest to win a scholarship to a conference to equip women writers/speakers/minstry leaders!

It's the eighth annual She Speaks Conference, which is hosted by Lysa TerKeurst and Proverbs 31 Ministries and is specifically intended to equip women in ministry, with different tracks for speaking, writing and leading. Wow. How cool is that?

And it's in Concord, North Carolina...that is, it's within a day's drive of the Rocket City. I could physically get there.

So suddenly I had a choice...I could follow the rules and enter the contest, just to see if God used it somehow, or I could pretend I didn't see it and continue to wonder how I might get the mentoring/training I feel like I need in order to go where I'm dreaming.

Now, for the few and the faithful who drop by here, can I just say the choice shook me up a bit? Because an entry is a risk, you know. Only one scholarship is being given away; and the entry is the blog post that links to the contest. So, yeah, the post you are reading now will also be read by People Who Are Evaluating It.

I've felt pretty secure in the anonymity of my little corner of the blogsphere; self-promotion was never really part of my vision for the blog. And, can I just say that the idea of writing for a grade (in which only ONE 'pass' is awarded) is pretty intimidating? But -- I *had* to write an entry, because I'd JUST said my dream was to speak to women, only I had no idea how to go about doing it.

Because, you know, this *may* be God's way of pushing me into it. According to the Speaker Track info, one who chooses that track will get great seminar information and also the opportunity to speak twice. The first talk will be three minutes long and be a personal story; it will be reviewed by peers. The second will be a five-minute 'teaching talk', and will be evaluated by a member of the Proverbs 31 speaking team.

Aaaiiiieee. Five minutes. My main speaking experience is a Sunday-school or Wednesday night pre-teens class type of setting in which I sometimes struggle to stay on topic well enough to cover all the material in 45 minutes. Giving a five minute teaching would be miraculous.

It scares me with the kind of scare that comes with something that is a new challenge to be faced.

In reality, it may be scaring me for nothin', because they are only giving away one scholarship. And there are LOTS of women who would be blessed beyond words to receive it. So I know that it's really a God thing if this crazy post should win any favor.

But, you know, sometimes obedience brings a different reward. I *have* to post the entry...it may not result in a scholarship, but it will result in something.

Because God is funny that way. And it *is* the Jubilee Year.

Indulge Me...for Grandma

One of the techies in Huntsville Masters Commission has posted a few video clips from the service they did at church a couple of weeks ago. They began with their version of 'Stomp', which they use as a ministry tool to grab folk's attention. They'd just returned from doing outreach in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, hence the beat-up state of some of the, um, 'drums'.

The Artist is the one on the far right in the red shirt. You don't wanna know what he's done to his hands/fingers in the course of playing this since the first of the year...he actually posted bloody pictures on Facebook, which makes his mamma shudder.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it, Mom! (If you double click, it should take you to Youtube, where you can enlarge the picture and you can see the other video clips on the sidebar there).

With All My Heart

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

One of my favorite books is Hinds' Feet on High Places, by Hannah Hurnard. I don't remember how long ago someone loaned me a copy with instructions to 'Read this!', but I read it, went out and bought my own copy and read it again. And again. And again.

I still find lessons in that allegory for my life. The current one stems from the little scene in which Much-Afraid sees the road leading to the High Places and runs joyfully along it, only to be surprised by a 90-degree turn that takes her, not towards the High Places she has been promised, but towards the desert. She doesn't understand but, at the Shepherd's assurance that this is indeed the way she must go, she resigns herself to the journey and heads off in the direction of the desert.

It may be a stretch, but this fits the scripture that has been on my heart a lot lately...as I cringe from some aspects of the new job because they aren't what I really feel like I will thrive doing. Not that I don't think I can learn to handle that particular responsibility -- I'd just rather have my teeth drilled. But I didn't plant myself here, so I can only assume that this is, indeed, the way the Shepherd desires me to walk.

I also look at the verse when I regard the pile of costume/volunteer sewing that is occupying my sewing space at the moment, when I have some projects from my own sewing stash that need some attention. It is a service to the community, to folks for whom I am a representative of the body of Christ in some capacity. I didn't ask for that, either, yet here I am. Obviously, the Shepherd is working here, too.

My verse is Colossians 3:23: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (NIV)

If I am serving Him, then I need to give it all my best shot.

Now I'm tempted to go edit today's sewing blog post so it's not quite so whiney. But, on reflection, maybe I'd better leave it as is. Just to prove I really am struggling to do what my heart knows I should do...it ain't easy and I don't always get it.

Strengthen My Hands and Tune My Ears

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Guess I'm on a Plain Vanilla kick at the moment. Funny how this stuff I wrote years ago is speaking to me now. Here's another excerpt.

Shortly after the birth of my fourth child, I gave up my position of ‘youth leader/teacher/whatever’ at our small church, since I felt the students needed more than I would be physically capable of giving them. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was tied up in my position of “Youth Leader,” or how much spiritual nourishment I was getting just by hauling them to various conferences and activities, or how much I enjoyed the interaction with other youth-ministry people. Suddenly, all of that was history.

I found myself struggling to teach the junior girl’s mission class on Wednesday nights with curriculum that frequently did not arrive (and seemed like just so much busy work when it did). I spent my church services sitting alone with my nursing baby in the nursery, listening to the sermon over the intercom. I literally felt like I had dropped into a spiritual black hole. Add to that the normal chaos of adjusting a house to a new baby – even a fairly contented one – and you can see that I was headed for Whine City. I have multiple journal entries in which I whined to God about my house being a mess; about feeling fat and unattractive; about the pointlessness of the mission class I was teaching; about feeling like I was not giving my husband or my three older kids anything they deserved from a wife and mother. Over and over, I heard myself pray, “God, get me out of this mess!”


The one bright spot was that I was enrolled in Bible Study Fellowship, and I had an hour and forty-five minutes every Tuesday evening in which I could drink in spiritual refreshment. We were studying “Israel and the Minor Prophets,” which required quite a bit of study through the week, and it was the lifeline to which I clung desperately. I will never forget the night my teaching leader discussed Nehemiah...and observed that, despite the difficulties and pressure he faced, Nehemiah never once said, “Lord, get me out of this mess.” Instead, he prayed, “Lord, strengthen my hands.”

Have you ever been smacked right between the eyes with conviction? I was that night! Now, not only did I know that my circumstances were less than ideal, I also recognized that my attitude was in need of some serious adjusting. But, in all honesty, I hadn’t a clue how to go about adjusting it. I was moaning over this to God, and this time I actually felt a response from Him. “You are focusing on yourself and your imperfections,” He told me. “You need to focus on Me and My Perfection.”

I was still pretty disgusted over the whole situation, and I’ll admit I was a little sarcastic when I replied, “That sounds just great, Lord. How do I do that?” I wanted something practical, down-to-earth that I could quantify. I didn’t expect there to be anything other than "Read your Bible and pray," (You know, the standard Sunday School lifestyle answer).

But I received a different answer. “Praise and worship music.”

So, I began to listen to praise and worship music. Not just contemporary Christian music, but music that was expressly used to lift up God’s name and praise Him. I can’t say that I suddenly woke up and found everything changed in a hurry…in fact, a number of my physical circumstances haven’t changed that much. But, God did something with my attitude. My confidence in Him returned, and I found strength to keep going.

The truth is that God speaks to Plain Vanillas, but the speaking often is not dramatic or obviously supernatural. It is God’s Spirit speaking to the inner man, something that could almost be written off as imagination. In fact, it would be surprisingly easy to ignore God’s voice altogether if I was convinced that He wouldn’t talk to me. He gave me a revelation that, while not being something grand or flashy or earth-shaking, still was enough to get me out of my Slough of Despond.

Remember, all you other Plain Vanillas, God speaks to you, and He does wonders for you. You may not be aware of it, but it is happening. Expect it and keep expecting it. Look for it. Sooner or later, you will realize what God is doing.

Jubilee Monday #29 - Goin' On Record

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I've really, really thought about dreams this week. I spent some time on the carpet at the women's conference this past weekend trying to figure out what my dreams really are -- what is God calling me to do?

I considered some ministry that I am doing now and wondered if that was it. As in, 'Is that all there is?' I wondered if I should just settle into that spot and pursue God with it. I am enjoying it, but it feels like the 'back side of the desert' in a lot of ways. I don't think it's all there is. I may continue to do it for the next umpity-ump years, but it isn't the end goal. I don't think.

Because when I thought about just pouring myself into that place, something in me grieved. And I realized that THAT's how I could find the dream -- I had to look at that place to see what it was that didn't want to die.

And, lo and behold, there it was.

Maybe 15 or so years ago, a guest speaker spoke in the little denominational church we were part of at that time. He was someone who clearly had the gift of evangelism, and he led people to Jesus on his mail route, in parking lots and checkout lines...wherever he encountered them. He exhorted us to do likewise. And I felt disappointed in myself...not only because I didn't do that, but because I'd never asked God to allow me to do that. So I prayed, "Lord, stir up in me the desire to be an evangelist!" Shortly thereafter...maybe even that same week...as I was walking through the den, I heard in my spirit, 'Do not despise a teaching gift.' I wasn't even thinking of anything spiritual at the time, so that word surprised me. But I wasn't sure what to do with it.

But there was another little nudge way back there in the past, too. I can't remember when it was, whether it was one or two years before or after that word. But I do remember the specific spot in my bedroom where I suddenly had a very clear mental picture of speaking to a room full of ladies sitting around white table-clothed luncheon tables. It was so vivid that I immediately felt panicked. 'God!' I said, 'Who am I to speak to ladies?' Immediately I was referred to Genesis 3, when Moses used that same protest.

That turned into one of the first outlines to go on the computer as a possible message to those unknown ladies. I've collected several others, but, as is the way of things, when years passed and nothing whatsoever happened that looked like it was leading to that place, I quit outlining.

I suspected that the idea of teaching was a personal ambition thing, not a God dream at all. One I was afraid to pursue because, you know, if it was just me, it'd be a flop and a failure. But, because it was in me, I found myself making attempts anyway. Oh, they were small toe-in-the-water efforts...and most every attempt WAS very nearly a flop and a failure. Or greatly appreciated by all of about 6 people. I decided that that *couldn't* be my God dream.

But, when I wrestled with the idea of finding the dream, I kept coming back to that. There's something deep in my spirit that doesn't want to give it up. It was that place that mourned when I considered pouring myself into an alternative vision.

Yesterday, as I was getting ready for church, I glanced in the mirror in the bathroom just before I left and saw myself holding a microphone. Teaching.

It shook me a bit, but I can't deny it.

I still have no idea how or when or where. But it's there. And it's not going away.

Simplified

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi. I posted this earlier today as a Facebook Note, but I decided it was worth editing slightly and posting here as well

(I was gonna title this 'Stripped Down', but, well, I thought that would bring the wrong connotation)

It wasn't a question of whether or not I would attend the 'Bridentity Women's Conference' at one of our church's satellite campuses. I knew I needed to go.

It is an honor and a blessing to serve in the house, but I gotta tell ya, it's a sweet refreshing to be in a place where I can just receive without necessarily being on the lookout for what needs to be done.

Because we all need an objective word...a confirmation or warning or correction or encouragement from our physical as well as our spiritual ears from time to time.

How many of us women would just die of romantic bliss if our respective hubbies whisked us away for a weekend with minimal luggage/preparation...because the time was to be spent in intimate communion, not sight seeing or visiting fancy places or doing anything but spending time in each other's presence? I didn't know that's what Bridentity would be for me in a spiritual sense.

I inquired about carpooling but didn't find any one else who was going, so I just drove myself over for the conference. Sure, it'd be late when I got home Friday night, and I'd have to get up and leave early on Saturday morning, but I had a feeling it would be worth it. I knew I had to go.

50 rainy minutes after I pulled out of my driveway, I pulled into the parking lot of at the satellite church. I went in and hung out in the lobby for a bit, waiting on the sanctuary to open. Amongst the visiting and chatting, the pastor, a long-time friend, welcomed me and asked where I was staying. Somewhat surprised, I replied, 'Home!' He told me that there were several ladies staying at a local retreat center and encouraged me to just stay with them.

Stay overnight? I didn't bring ANYTHING to stay the night...and I'd just used my last check in the bookstore. Yeah, it'd be *nice* not to make a late drive in the rain back to town, but, well, it wasn't practical. I'd have to wear the same clothes tomorrow...I didn't have a toothbrush....

"I'm sure that can be taken care of!" he countered. "Seriously, you should stay with them."

I smiled my 'oh, that's sweet' smile and said I'd think about it. Which I did, for about 20 seconds. Wear the same clothes two days in a row to a women's conference? Uhn-uh!

Once the sanctuary doors opened, I found a seat and put my purse and Bible down, then ran into the ladies who were staying at the retreat facility. They invited me to sit with them, then asked where I was staying. They got the same answer I gave to the pastor, 'Home!'

"No!" They were insistent. "You don't need to drive back and forth! There's plenty of room at the Cove...you need to stay with us!"

I gave them the same protest...slightly more detailed...that I gave to the Pastor. I wasn't prepared to stay the night. I didn't have anything for the next day. Anything.

But they were not going to be put off. "We can get you what you need!" they said. "There's a Wal-Mart up the road...it wouldn't be difficult at all to pick up a couple of necessities!"

The service was about to start, so I rather lamely agreed to 'think about it'. And, this time I did. Was this something God meant for me? Wouldn't it be humiliating to not change clothes? Everyone else looked so pulled together...

After worship were the opening remarks. And one of the things said was that this weekend was to be a weekend of simplification...of stripping down and away that which was unnecessary.

So. I saw the point. After the service, I called My Sweet Baboo and he said he wondered if I'd want to stay and gave me his blessing. And a $16 charge at Wal-Mart later I had what was minimally necessary to spend the night. I laughed at my luggage when I got to the Cove and unloaded...one Wal-Mart bag.

And do you know, one of the ladies at the cabin made a comment while we were there that provoked a paradigm shift. She wasn't talking to me or about me, but her statement about using God's time for something other than God echoed in my spirit. It was a word I needed to hear.

I'd inadvertently left my notebook at home, so the only thing I had for note taking was the 3x5 notepad in the conference bag. Normally, I write pages of notes...I had to limit myself to nuggets only. As a result, I realized that there are times when I almost 'hide' behind my journaling; being the recorder and not the participant. Not having the journal, I had to make sure I listened with all my ears so as to remember as much as I could and I couldn't shift my focus to writing when I got uncomfortable.

Consequently, I don't have the details on everything...just the outstanding points. Stripped down to the essentials.

But I am going to be processing those essentials for a while. I don't want to miss any lesson from my simplified weekend.