Blocked

The SHE Revolution Women's conference unofficially begins tonight with a session for leadership.

I am really, really needing it.

Not because I feel desperate for God...because I feel numb. Tired. Spiritually lethargic.

All the personal discipline I can muster can't seem to get over it.

Isn't that ironic, after studying out 'The Five B's' to prepare for the weekend? *Knowing* that I am Brave, Beautiful, Bold, Bride, and Becoming? Even with all the neat insight and new way of looking at those words that I found as I studied, it still felt more like an exercise in personal discipline. Maybe I was too focused on writing the study and not focused enough on applying it...ouch...

In our monthly night of worship last Sunday, I found myself really struggling to get to my 'secret place' of communion w/God. The imagery that came to me is humorous, but apt.

My kids play Nintendo video games from time to time; sometimes I get invited to play along...just to provide comic relief to everyone else. I seriously stink at those games.

You'd think someone who could manipulate fabric around a fast-moving needle or fast-moving needles/knives mechanism would have better eye-hand coordination than I do. But I digress.

In some of these games, there is a character that rather resembles a walking blue sponge....with a band-aid on his back side. I don't know what it's called in the world of video games, but he blocks the paths in some games and hinders progress in others.

The imagery that came to me is that my 'self' was blocking me...and my 'self' looked just like this obnoxious creature from the video game. Blocking the path and hindering my progress. I couldn't get past my 'self'.


Ok, I think I will just get my journal and look fresh at all those questions at the end of each of those '5 B's' lessons; time to see what's percolating in the 'self' that's blocking things up and needs a crucifixion.

As the conference starts early both tomorrow and Saturday, and runs all day into the evening, I probably won't post again until next week.

One way or another, this is going to be a good weekend.