*hangs head*
What has happened to my little faith blog?
One post a week ain't cuttin' it.
I went back and re-read some of my earlier posts; some of them surprise me now. Wow, I think, That was good
I don't know if I've hit middle-age mind fog, or if I've just hit such a commitment load that I can't even take time to do some self- examination and rumination anymore.
Either way, it's sad.
And I just realized I typed 'little faith blog' at the top.
Question: is it a little blog...or is it little faith?
As in, I've quit stretching to write? I've looked at the bloglines numbers and let myself get discouraged? Silly me. I should know better.
Ouch.
Time to shake things up a bit. I'm going to try to blog daily for a while.
And a part of me actually cringed when I wrote that. So that must mean I need it. ;)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Next Study?
Our annual women's conference at church is fast approaching...we're 4 weeks away. Already (the date is Sept. 11 & 12).
The topic this year is spiritual warfare; specifically, I think, warfare that women must wage. The name of the conference is 'SHE Revolution -- The Battleground'.
I'm really excited because the speakers are all returning favorites -- Teri Gladstone-Furr, Dawn Sweigert, and Susan Dyer; Rita Springer will be leading worship. It is going to be awesome.
So, how do I prepare my heart for this? Because I know I'll be involved in assisting in some fashion and I will not be in all sessions just as a recipient/participant, I need to do some ground-breaking in my own heart before the event begins.
So, over the next two or three weeks, I'll be doing that...and just seeing what I have to do in my heart. It may take the shape of a small, short look at Spiritual Warfare, or it may not. I don't even know yet.
But I'll find out. ;)
The topic this year is spiritual warfare; specifically, I think, warfare that women must wage. The name of the conference is 'SHE Revolution -- The Battleground'.
I'm really excited because the speakers are all returning favorites -- Teri Gladstone-Furr, Dawn Sweigert, and Susan Dyer; Rita Springer will be leading worship. It is going to be awesome.
So, how do I prepare my heart for this? Because I know I'll be involved in assisting in some fashion and I will not be in all sessions just as a recipient/participant, I need to do some ground-breaking in my own heart before the event begins.
So, over the next two or three weeks, I'll be doing that...and just seeing what I have to do in my heart. It may take the shape of a small, short look at Spiritual Warfare, or it may not. I don't even know yet.
But I'll find out. ;)
Monday, August 10, 2009
First Day: '09
I've decided that the first day of school feels a lot more like a new year than January 1.
The Actor is starting his junior year of high school, while The Flute Player is heading off to eighth grade. Time flies.
Actually, The Actor has to take an extra class this year to make up for the fact that the magnet program doesn't quite leave room for all the mandated classes. So he has to be at school an hour early. That's going to pinch our mornings just a bit, and, since he can't ride the shuttle bus, My Sweet Baboo will drop him off at the magnet school as he goes to work...it's fortunately not that far out of his way, for all that it is on the other end of town.
The Flute Player has one more year to be close enough to school to walk/ride her bike. So, for the last time, we observed the 'first day' tradition and I rode my bike w/her.
It's gone by awfully fast....
Friday, August 7, 2009
Long winded answer....
Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi
I promised Jessica that I'd expound a bit on some thoughts I posted in Hard Questions last week; specifically, about 'not loving our lives to the death' being one of the weapons in the hands of believers.
That thought came from Revelations 12:
Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. (verses 10-11, NIV)
Three things are required for us to overcome the enemy -- the blood of Jesus, the word of testimony, and not allowing the fear of death to cause us to recant either one.
There are times when God allows the enemy to take the life of those who truly follow God and put their trust in Him. Job's children come to mind first...all ten of them. David's son, for whom he prayed and fasted, died (I don't think that was a punishment, but I'll save the reasons why for another day). In Hebrews 11, we are reminded of Others [who] were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned, they were sawed in two, they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated -- the world was not worthy of them. (vs. 35b- 38a, NIV).
There were times in Jesus' ministry when he healed every sick person; there were times when he healed only a few...or even just one... among many. Sometimes it was because of the lack of faith in the people; but other times he healed where no faith was evident (the cripple by the pool of Bethesda comes to mind).
Yet, the Bible seems to teach us that we are to pray for and expect miraculous healings on a regular basis. So how can we account for what appears to be a discrepancy?
I'm going to be honest here and admit that I am shaking in my shoes now because I've realized I have jumped in way over my head. But I am not going to back out and not post...so bear with me. I'm just writing as someone who struggles with the same questions; I'm not trying to be authoritative, just share what I'm hanging onto when life doesn't make sense.
The first thing I have to remind myself of is that there is a much, much bigger picture than what I see. One of my favorite illustrations is to talk about a style of painting called pointillism, in which small, seemingly random dots of color are applied to a canvas to make a picture(actually, this is the way images on your computer screen are displayed, as well...those dots are called 'pixels'). If you stand where you can see the entire painting, it all works together and is something your brain can interpret as an image. However, if you just look at a tiny piece of the canvas, all you see is...a mess of color. It doesn't resolve into any kind of image. It doesn't make sense. If all the dots in that small piece tried to arrange themselves into some order that made sense to them, it would not work with the whole picture. In the same way, God sees Everything...the end from the beginning. He knows what has to happen at A to affect B so that C is positioned years later to cause D to take place. Yet we, as the little dots, keep insisting that what happens in our bit of the picture makes sense to us.
The second thing that I consider is that we have a worldy view of death...as if it were a horrible thing for a believer. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to trivialize it. But, if we really believe, as Paul did, that it is preferable to be away from the body and at home with the Lord, (1 Cor. 5:8), we cannot believe it to be so horrible. Yet we tend to speak and behave as if the worst possible outcome for any scenario would be death. For one who refuses the grace of God, that certainly is true. And, for those bereaved, it is also true, because death is separation. But, for the person who actually steps through death into the presence of God...to go from knowing and understanding so little, to get to 'see face to face...know fully...' (1 Cor 13:12) has to be awesome. If someone has truly accomplished all that God had set for them to do (which may or may not be what we perceive they are to do), how can we be angry if He says, 'Come on home!'?
The third thing I have to remember is that Jesus told us we would have trials and tribulations. He warned us that life would be hard. God guaranteed us we would not understand. But we are promised that He will never leave us, and that all things work together for our good. Not our immediate happiness...our eternal 'good'.
'Not loving life' doesn't just mean being willing to die physically for Christ; it also means not clinging to my personal happiness...my agenda...my image...all that stuff. Dying of humiliation is something I'm familiar with, but I confess I have let the enemy shut me up at times for fear of it. I still care too much about the opinion of other people.
But once that fear of losing one's life -- either literally or figuratively -- is gone, then there literally is nothing the enemy can do to us. How can he defeat people who are not afraid of him?
The blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony will ultimately defeat him.
I promised Jessica that I'd expound a bit on some thoughts I posted in Hard Questions last week; specifically, about 'not loving our lives to the death' being one of the weapons in the hands of believers.
That thought came from Revelations 12:
Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. (verses 10-11, NIV)
Three things are required for us to overcome the enemy -- the blood of Jesus, the word of testimony, and not allowing the fear of death to cause us to recant either one.
There are times when God allows the enemy to take the life of those who truly follow God and put their trust in Him. Job's children come to mind first...all ten of them. David's son, for whom he prayed and fasted, died (I don't think that was a punishment, but I'll save the reasons why for another day). In Hebrews 11, we are reminded of Others [who] were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned, they were sawed in two, they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated -- the world was not worthy of them. (vs. 35b- 38a, NIV).
There were times in Jesus' ministry when he healed every sick person; there were times when he healed only a few...or even just one... among many. Sometimes it was because of the lack of faith in the people; but other times he healed where no faith was evident (the cripple by the pool of Bethesda comes to mind).
Yet, the Bible seems to teach us that we are to pray for and expect miraculous healings on a regular basis. So how can we account for what appears to be a discrepancy?
I'm going to be honest here and admit that I am shaking in my shoes now because I've realized I have jumped in way over my head. But I am not going to back out and not post...so bear with me. I'm just writing as someone who struggles with the same questions; I'm not trying to be authoritative, just share what I'm hanging onto when life doesn't make sense.
The first thing I have to remind myself of is that there is a much, much bigger picture than what I see. One of my favorite illustrations is to talk about a style of painting called pointillism, in which small, seemingly random dots of color are applied to a canvas to make a picture(actually, this is the way images on your computer screen are displayed, as well...those dots are called 'pixels'). If you stand where you can see the entire painting, it all works together and is something your brain can interpret as an image. However, if you just look at a tiny piece of the canvas, all you see is...a mess of color. It doesn't resolve into any kind of image. It doesn't make sense. If all the dots in that small piece tried to arrange themselves into some order that made sense to them, it would not work with the whole picture. In the same way, God sees Everything...the end from the beginning. He knows what has to happen at A to affect B so that C is positioned years later to cause D to take place. Yet we, as the little dots, keep insisting that what happens in our bit of the picture makes sense to us.
The second thing that I consider is that we have a worldy view of death...as if it were a horrible thing for a believer. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to trivialize it. But, if we really believe, as Paul did, that it is preferable to be away from the body and at home with the Lord, (1 Cor. 5:8), we cannot believe it to be so horrible. Yet we tend to speak and behave as if the worst possible outcome for any scenario would be death. For one who refuses the grace of God, that certainly is true. And, for those bereaved, it is also true, because death is separation. But, for the person who actually steps through death into the presence of God...to go from knowing and understanding so little, to get to 'see face to face...know fully...' (1 Cor 13:12) has to be awesome. If someone has truly accomplished all that God had set for them to do (which may or may not be what we perceive they are to do), how can we be angry if He says, 'Come on home!'?
The third thing I have to remember is that Jesus told us we would have trials and tribulations. He warned us that life would be hard. God guaranteed us we would not understand. But we are promised that He will never leave us, and that all things work together for our good. Not our immediate happiness...our eternal 'good'.
'Not loving life' doesn't just mean being willing to die physically for Christ; it also means not clinging to my personal happiness...my agenda...my image...all that stuff. Dying of humiliation is something I'm familiar with, but I confess I have let the enemy shut me up at times for fear of it. I still care too much about the opinion of other people.
But once that fear of losing one's life -- either literally or figuratively -- is gone, then there literally is nothing the enemy can do to us. How can he defeat people who are not afraid of him?
The blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony will ultimately defeat him.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Now What....
I talked a little about life dreams on the Jubilee posts...even mentioned one or two.
But there is one dream that I haven't talked about here at all...
There is a Christianized musical version of 'A Christmas Carol' that is performed by churches around the country at Christmas time; we saw it years ago at a local church, and, in '04 and '05, our church did it.
It's a lot of fun, but, well, to be honest there are some things about that script that just...bugged me. Anachronistic elements, some things held over from the original text that didn't really work with the new setting (how can you tell an angel that 'there's more of gravy than of grave about you'?)...an awkward combining of characters into one person...well, anyway, most of those things didn't bother anyone else so I just kind of tried to ignore them. But they bugged me.
Then I got an idea to rewrite some of the scenes/elements that bothered me the most. And, over a few months, I re-wrote a number of things (the angel became a 'foul food phantom', for instance)...some changes were minor, some were complete resettings of the scenes. We have an unalterable video narration, which meant I couldn't change anything that would require changes to that, so I was a bit restricted in how much changing I could do.
And I got the bulk of the angst written out. But...I don't know if those scenes will be usable, even if we do the show again. It was my problem w/the original, not anyone else's. So I need to be ready to accept as fact a decision to stick to the original script.
But even that is not the real dream. After I wrote all of that out, I found that I still couldn't leave it alone. So I went back and pulled out my Dickens and began a fresh rewrite...a new re-telling of the story, with the Christian repentance theme in it. Oh, and music.
Last night, I finally finished the lyrics for the last song I left space for. Aside from some editing tweaks that are sure to be needed, the new script...I called it 'God Bless Us, Everyone'... is finished.
But -- I don't know if it's even performable. It requires a large cast (including a fair number of men, which is difficult to cast in a church!); many microphones and some pretty quick scene changes in which one end of the stage is lit, with action, while the scene is being switched on the unlit other end. And there is a video narrative as well, although it could be done live on a remote small stage. In other words, I don't know if it's logistically feasible or not. So it probably needs some collaboration from Folks Who Know About Stuff Like That. At the very least, it needs a composer to put music to the lyrics.
A few people at church have read it in its earlier drafts...responses have varied from polite to warmly enthusiastic. But no direction on what to do next.
So...here's the dream: I want to do something with it. But I don't know what...or how...
But, you know, if it really is a God-dream, I have a feeling that will work itself out.
But there is one dream that I haven't talked about here at all...
There is a Christianized musical version of 'A Christmas Carol' that is performed by churches around the country at Christmas time; we saw it years ago at a local church, and, in '04 and '05, our church did it.
It's a lot of fun, but, well, to be honest there are some things about that script that just...bugged me. Anachronistic elements, some things held over from the original text that didn't really work with the new setting (how can you tell an angel that 'there's more of gravy than of grave about you'?)...an awkward combining of characters into one person...well, anyway, most of those things didn't bother anyone else so I just kind of tried to ignore them. But they bugged me.
Then I got an idea to rewrite some of the scenes/elements that bothered me the most. And, over a few months, I re-wrote a number of things (the angel became a 'foul food phantom', for instance)...some changes were minor, some were complete resettings of the scenes. We have an unalterable video narration, which meant I couldn't change anything that would require changes to that, so I was a bit restricted in how much changing I could do.
And I got the bulk of the angst written out. But...I don't know if those scenes will be usable, even if we do the show again. It was my problem w/the original, not anyone else's. So I need to be ready to accept as fact a decision to stick to the original script.
But even that is not the real dream. After I wrote all of that out, I found that I still couldn't leave it alone. So I went back and pulled out my Dickens and began a fresh rewrite...a new re-telling of the story, with the Christian repentance theme in it. Oh, and music.
Last night, I finally finished the lyrics for the last song I left space for. Aside from some editing tweaks that are sure to be needed, the new script...I called it 'God Bless Us, Everyone'... is finished.
But -- I don't know if it's even performable. It requires a large cast (including a fair number of men, which is difficult to cast in a church!); many microphones and some pretty quick scene changes in which one end of the stage is lit, with action, while the scene is being switched on the unlit other end. And there is a video narrative as well, although it could be done live on a remote small stage. In other words, I don't know if it's logistically feasible or not. So it probably needs some collaboration from Folks Who Know About Stuff Like That. At the very least, it needs a composer to put music to the lyrics.
A few people at church have read it in its earlier drafts...responses have varied from polite to warmly enthusiastic. But no direction on what to do next.
So...here's the dream: I want to do something with it. But I don't know what...or how...
But, you know, if it really is a God-dream, I have a feeling that will work itself out.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Squeezing another thing on the plate....
Up till now, our Missionettes program at church has only gone through grade 8. We have Royal Ranger classes available for boys through high school, but for one reason or another we have not been able to get the class for the older girls ('Girls Only') going.
Which meant that we could not have any girls who could persevere in the program and earn the Gold Medal.
That's changing. But it looks like I'm going to be the one teaching not only the Friends (middle-school) class on Wednesdays, but also the high school class on Sunday mornings.
Sounds like a lot, but back in the day I used to teach youth Sunday School, then a different lesson for youth group on Wednesday night, so this will not be so far out of my experience. I can do it for a while...and hopefully we'll have someone step forward at some point pretty soon to take one class or the other.
We're starting the new class on August 9. Right now, I know I will have one student, although there may be others once word gets out that we're doing it.
The girls ought to have the chance to complete the program. Now, they will.
Which meant that we could not have any girls who could persevere in the program and earn the Gold Medal.
That's changing. But it looks like I'm going to be the one teaching not only the Friends (middle-school) class on Wednesdays, but also the high school class on Sunday mornings.
Sounds like a lot, but back in the day I used to teach youth Sunday School, then a different lesson for youth group on Wednesday night, so this will not be so far out of my experience. I can do it for a while...and hopefully we'll have someone step forward at some point pretty soon to take one class or the other.
We're starting the new class on August 9. Right now, I know I will have one student, although there may be others once word gets out that we're doing it.
The girls ought to have the chance to complete the program. Now, they will.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Hard Questions
When I was in high school, I was a total geek. Socially inept, I could get things done but not make tons of friends while I was doing it. Frequently I made enemies. Remembers the pom-pom squad the year I was drum major.... I didn't inspire people. (I am not discussing...at this point...whether or not any of that has changed... ;) ). And, I was in a church that really didn't subscribe to the notion of women as spiritual leaders.
But there were a few ladies that gave me examples of how to go after God in my life...one of them was my high school youth leader's wife, Jeannie. Jeannie was someone who served God, loved teens, and dispensed wisdom to raw young hearts.
She was even my 'Ideal Woman' pick for role model when I was in the Sunshine Society my freshman year of high school.
Shortly after I got married and moved to Alabama, Jeannie was diagnosed with cancer (I can't remember the variety at this point...it was a Really Long Time ago...). She fought the battle and I prayed for her and believed God for her from 400 miles away.
Praying for healing was a new idea to me...see, in the little dispensational congregation of my youth, healing wasn't something we believed for. Wisdom for doctors, yes. Strength and peace, yes. Divine miraculous healing? Um, well, if God wants to, sure, but we won't be so presumptuous as to ask for such a thing.
But as I grew I began to realize that, perhaps, God wanted us to ask for healing. A sermon series on Standing in the Gap gave me the courage to actually go before God and claim healing for my friend and mentor Jeannie.
I was devastated when she died in November of 1981.
The fact that there were a number of people -- including members of Jeannie's family that she had prayed for for years -- who made decisions to take Jesus as Lord at her funeral only superficially dressed the wound. I felt like God had let me down, ignored me, rejected me.
But, we were active in a church. I liked the people, and I didn't dare let them see what was really going on in my heart. I did a really good job of acting like someone who wasn't angry with God should act. For something like 2 years.
Then, one of the older ladies in the church (who was probably younger than I am now...groan...) organized a group to go to a weekend retreat. I was strongly encouraged to attend.
Trouble was, I didn't want to. I was a college student, with schoolwork deadlines and a tight budget. And I didn't want to face God. I didn't want to confront the fact that I was angry with Him. But, I also didn't want the ladies to think I was any less spiritual than they were. So I tried to pass the buck to my husband.
"Honey, these ladies want me to go to a retreat with them; I'll be gone for three days and I don't know when I'll do all the history reading I'll need to do then and, besides, it's going to cost $50...I don't have to go if you think it's a bad idea."
But he thought it was a good idea. So I was out of excuses and I went.
I date all my real spiritual growth from that weekend. God dealt with me and my anger...not necessarily anger that Jeannie had died, because how can any of us be offended when one of our brothers/sisters gets to go to Jesus? When they get to see what we only guess at? When they're outside of time, so that the separation is, to them, momentary? No, it wasn't bad for Jeannie to die...I was mad because God did not do what I demanded Him to do. Because I didn't understand.
What I learned in that weekend was a simple truth: God loves me, and I can trust Him.
Oh, there's so much more to say about not understanding what God does and doesn't do, but that is the basic truth to all of it.
Now there are hard questions in my corner of the world again. Not as close to me as Jeannie, but close enough. And closer to those around me who are asking the questions. We say God heals, but...how do you explain when He doesn't? Why He doesn't? Why pray for healing at all?
Because it's not just what happens at the end of the battle...it's how the battle is fought. Faith under fire demonstrates the reality of God in ways that cannot be shown any other way. Not loving their lives unto death is one of the weapons in the hands of the faithful...one of the weapons that will overcome the dragon. So that weapon must be used...which mean someone departs.
I'm not trying to give pat answers. These are hard questions, and I don't think we'll have the answers until we all get to heaven and see the end from the beginning ourselves. Or, rather, we'll see the One who sees the end from the beginning . Then we'll understand, better that we ever possibly could here.
But in the meantime...God loves us, and we can trust Him.
But there were a few ladies that gave me examples of how to go after God in my life...one of them was my high school youth leader's wife, Jeannie. Jeannie was someone who served God, loved teens, and dispensed wisdom to raw young hearts.
She was even my 'Ideal Woman' pick for role model when I was in the Sunshine Society my freshman year of high school.
Shortly after I got married and moved to Alabama, Jeannie was diagnosed with cancer (I can't remember the variety at this point...it was a Really Long Time ago...). She fought the battle and I prayed for her and believed God for her from 400 miles away.
Praying for healing was a new idea to me...see, in the little dispensational congregation of my youth, healing wasn't something we believed for. Wisdom for doctors, yes. Strength and peace, yes. Divine miraculous healing? Um, well, if God wants to, sure, but we won't be so presumptuous as to ask for such a thing.
But as I grew I began to realize that, perhaps, God wanted us to ask for healing. A sermon series on Standing in the Gap gave me the courage to actually go before God and claim healing for my friend and mentor Jeannie.
I was devastated when she died in November of 1981.
The fact that there were a number of people -- including members of Jeannie's family that she had prayed for for years -- who made decisions to take Jesus as Lord at her funeral only superficially dressed the wound. I felt like God had let me down, ignored me, rejected me.
But, we were active in a church. I liked the people, and I didn't dare let them see what was really going on in my heart. I did a really good job of acting like someone who wasn't angry with God should act. For something like 2 years.
Then, one of the older ladies in the church (who was probably younger than I am now...groan...) organized a group to go to a weekend retreat. I was strongly encouraged to attend.
Trouble was, I didn't want to. I was a college student, with schoolwork deadlines and a tight budget. And I didn't want to face God. I didn't want to confront the fact that I was angry with Him. But, I also didn't want the ladies to think I was any less spiritual than they were. So I tried to pass the buck to my husband.
"Honey, these ladies want me to go to a retreat with them; I'll be gone for three days and I don't know when I'll do all the history reading I'll need to do then and, besides, it's going to cost $50...I don't have to go if you think it's a bad idea."
But he thought it was a good idea. So I was out of excuses and I went.
I date all my real spiritual growth from that weekend. God dealt with me and my anger...not necessarily anger that Jeannie had died, because how can any of us be offended when one of our brothers/sisters gets to go to Jesus? When they get to see what we only guess at? When they're outside of time, so that the separation is, to them, momentary? No, it wasn't bad for Jeannie to die...I was mad because God did not do what I demanded Him to do. Because I didn't understand.
What I learned in that weekend was a simple truth: God loves me, and I can trust Him.
Oh, there's so much more to say about not understanding what God does and doesn't do, but that is the basic truth to all of it.
Now there are hard questions in my corner of the world again. Not as close to me as Jeannie, but close enough. And closer to those around me who are asking the questions. We say God heals, but...how do you explain when He doesn't? Why He doesn't? Why pray for healing at all?
Because it's not just what happens at the end of the battle...it's how the battle is fought. Faith under fire demonstrates the reality of God in ways that cannot be shown any other way. Not loving their lives unto death is one of the weapons in the hands of the faithful...one of the weapons that will overcome the dragon. So that weapon must be used...which mean someone departs.
I'm not trying to give pat answers. These are hard questions, and I don't think we'll have the answers until we all get to heaven and see the end from the beginning ourselves. Or, rather, we'll see the One who sees the end from the beginning . Then we'll understand, better that we ever possibly could here.
But in the meantime...God loves us, and we can trust Him.
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