Looking Forward

I thought I'd pull out my very first journal (which began in fall of 1984) and write down what I put for my New Year's Resolutions/thoughts that year for the first Friday Flashback of '09. But I was heartily disappointed. Yes, I had resolutions...but they were very superficial. And the whole next six month's worth of entries was one long whine.

It was childish. I guess it was good to see that I *have* (I think -- hopefully?) matured in the last 25 years. But it was a good lesson all the same. One can't go forward while looking back.

Not that I don't need to be reminded of the lessons of the past that I *still* haven't gotten...but I think the Friday Flashback series has run its course and it's time to look forward now.

But I'll be honest... I haven't often felt the kind of chill in my spirit looking at a new year as I have felt this week. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's just because this year has my 50th birthday in it. Or maybe it's because I know that life is going to get very, very busy very, very soon and I'm not ready to dive back into it yet. Or maybe it's because we've found we still have a nasty leak in the roof that the DIY home repair effort didn't quite fix and I feel like I'm looking at an unknown financial setback to repair it.

Or maybe it's just hormones...one of the best parts about being a woman approaching 50 is that almost anything can be blamed on hormones...

So. Instead of looking back, I need to look ahead, and remind myself that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think, and that I can do all things through Him.

In our church, we always start off the new year with an extended fast; this year's 21-day fast begins on Sunday. Believe it or not, I'm glad of it (is *that* ever out of character!). For lots of reasons, this is something I really feel like I need right now. Some reasons I could articulate...some I can't. Not because they're private, but because they're so deep in my spirit that *I'm* not even sure just exactly they are.

But it is those inexpressible reasons that bring tears to my eyes when I consider holding them out to my Father in the urgent pursuit of God that accompanies a true fast.

And THAT is something to look forward to.