The Big 'J'

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi
(yeah, I'm blogging at midnight...crazy...please forgive the inevitable lack of proper editing. Gotta grab the opportunities when they come.)

Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. I really believed for a long time that I didn't...wouldn't...indulge in jealousy.

However, the time has come to be honest.

I'm way jealous. Of way too many folks.

I think I have been all along, and just didn't own up to it.

I could go into Big Ugly Details, but there really isn't much point in that. And, actually, there hasn't been any crisis or confrontation to provoke the revelation. In other words, if I kept my mouth shut, no one would know. But that 'ehn' feeling in my gut is keeping me from being real. It's keeping me behind my self-inflicted walls. I'm finally recognizing the 'ehn' feeling as jealousy.

Ok, doctor, we have a diagnosis. What is the treatment?

How can I get past this thing? Get RID of this thing? It's the heart of Cain's problem, you know. I sure don't want to go there.

The thing about a sin like jealousy is that it's not something you just don't *do*. Stealing is an action that has a particular point of temptation. Resist that point, and you won't go home with something that's not yours. Jealousy is always there, always whispering sinister accusations. Ready when I wake up at 2 AM with a scenario from the past...could be from the previous day, or it could be from years ago...to keep the notion that I'm lacking something someone else has, and has easily, alive. Jealousy keeps...me...from walking in love.

That sin is crouching at the door...constantly.

My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time....I've tried everything and nothing helps. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (Romans 7:23 - 25, The Message)

Thank God for His endless reservoirs of grace. That's the only way to get past jealousy and live on the other side...