5 Minute Writing

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I've seen some 'participate and link up' memes floating around where the bloggers are given a particular word and have to write for 5 minutes without stopping and editing...just as an exercise in creative writing.  I've thought about participating once or twice, but never really caught it right.

But tonight....

We're starting a song writers group at church.  I don't know if I can contribute much, but, given the manuscript sitting in a drawer waiting on...something...I thought I should go and see what I can learn.

The first meeting was tonight.  Our leader had a small table with random things on it...a little ceramic bird, a candle in a holder, a tv remote...stuff like that.

We were to choose one item and write however it inspired us for five minutes.  I didn't quite finish what I wanted to say in that five minutes, but I have to confess that even as I was writing it I thought, 'Oh, this will make a good blog post!'

So...my five minute assignment...with no editing, although I will finish it ;-)

Little Birds in a nest
 2004...the week leading up to [The Princess's] graduation.  Mama robin had built a nest in the holly bush  in front of the living room window and the four eggs hatched.

Amid the preparation for the graduation festivities we would stand in the window and watch as mama and papa robin fed those creatures that were little more than gaping mouths.

But they grew with astonishing speed, turning from mouths into indignant looking naked birds, then growing pin feathers and opening their eyes to see the world.

Photos barely captured the transformation, as in just a matter of days they became too big for the nest, crowding together and vying for the tidbits mama and papa continued to bring.

Graduation day...we joined the throngs at the civic center to see our girl cross the stage, deliver her speech and move her tassel.

Morning after, she left to spend a week with her grandparents, a high school graduate with her future before her.
(as far as I got.  And I was so close to finishing!)
We returned to normal life, and the baby birds hopped about the branches in the bush. The next day...they all flew away.

Introverted

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

I have slowly been coming to a conclusion that I actually acknowledged and spoke aloud for the first time today.

Partly because I think I've had the wrong interpretation of the words introvert and extrovert.

I thought all introverts were quiet and all extroverts were loud.

Since I tend to be loud and demonstrative and expressive, I have always considered myself an extrovert.

But lately there has been a LOT of information about introverts crossing my path and I've been surprised at how much of that info actually seems familiar.  I've begun to wonder if my suppositions were wrong.  Perhaps... it has nothing to do with how you express yourself and everything to do with how you relate to people.

If you throw me in a room full of people and tell me to go 'round and talk to folks, I'll put on my actress face and do it...but it won't be easy.  I won't be comfortable.  Even if I know almost everyone there. I'll have to fight the urge to start emptying trash cans or refilling the snack trays or some such thing.  Not because I have a need to serve, you understand, but because that's safer.  I can be busy and not risk anything.

I've always assumed it was because I was lacking basic social skills.  Because I feared rejection. 

But lately I have wondered if  it's because I'm a loud introvert.  A contradiction, maybe...or maybe not.  It's easy to use performance as a place to hide and avoid having to deal too directly with others.

I still have to deal with the fear of rejection...been hit with it too many times...but I have suddenly had the thought that maybe, just maybe, the core of the issue isn't fear...it's introversion.

This is a pretty big paradigm shift.  When I stop considering that discomfort-in-a-crowd as fear and start considering it as a hardwire issue, then that does away with a lot of self-criticism.  Instead of fighting to get over or get delivered,  I need to consider how to adapt; how to learn to work with who I am instead of trying to fix a character flaw.

Maybe...just maybe...there isn't as much fear in operation as I thought. 

Maybe I can stop being frustrated with myself for not seeming to get over that fear.  Because it. Isn't. Fear.

I'm just an introvert.

Looking Myself in the Authentic...

Posted by Lisa Laree to Beer Lahai Roi

Procrastinating again, I cruised through my bloglovin' feed and read Mary's post with a question ... 'What does Authentic mean to you?'

And I thought I'd dash off a quick little answer in the comment section, but I suddenly found myself writing much more than a comment and peeling back some things I hadn't even realized were overgrown. 

Authentic is...hard.

I try.  I really try.  I don't want to have to maintain something I'm not.  And I really  believe that the best Christian life is one with no pretense about it.

But I'm a Tigger.  Tiggers bounce.  And sometimes they bounce people into the water and don't even know it.  And sometimes those people think it happened on purpose and get their feelings hurt.

Even Tiggers get distressed if they find they've hurt someone.  Especially if they hurt them by bouncing.

Authentic has to be disciplined.

I have had authentic friends...but time passes and people change and while those folks are still good friends all they see now is the cute table on the slightly lumpy rug (that's an analogy from Mary's post).  I don't know if I have anyone in my circle of friends that I would be willing to allow to help me clean under that rug.  And that's not their fault.  It's mine.

Over the years, I have backed away...and now, I keep people at arm's length.

And I just sat and stared at that sentence for a full two minutes.  I  keep people at arm's length.  

Why?

Because I'm less likely to bounce into them...cause them pain...be misunderstood.

That's fear at work.

Fear is never authentic.  It's probably the biggest barrier to authentic.

So, if we say that authentic is what is left after the fear has been removed...we have something that looks a lot like love.

Because perfect love casts out fear like a light casts out darkness.

So...I have to admit something:  if I have fear in my life that is an obstruction to authentic relationships, then I do not have love fully operating in my life.

That's a lot to ponder in the next day or two...or month...