Tuesday, June 28, 2011

In the Waiting Room

I have a little dream...

And the little dream has a little sister.

I kind of packed them both away for long naps. I'd wake them up and play with them just a bit every now and then, but, as the time was so not right, I would tuck them back in and sing them to sleep for another season or two.

But now things are moving and there might be a chance for little sister to come out and meet the world. And, if little sister does...maybe someday the dream itself will follow.

But I really don't have much to do with whether or not it's time.

So I wake them up, dress them in their pretty Sunday ruffles and patent shoes, and wait patiently for a chance to introduce them to someone who will either be glad to see them or be completely not interested in what they might be able to do.

I have knocked gently on the door...I don't want to cause a problem or intrude...but now I'm wondering if my knocking is ignored or just unheard. If it's unheard -- I should knock louder. If it's being ignored, louder knocking would not be a good thing. Perhaps it's just not a good time to knock on the door.

If the dreams are sent packing at this stage, there's not much chance they'll get to come out again.

But...if they are real, God-given dreams, there should be a time and a place for them to come out and grow. If they are not real, God-given dreams, I am beyond disillusioned; where did they come from and why have I invested so much of my heart in them?

This is not just a test of the dreams, it is a test of my character.

It would've been easier if the time had just stayed obviously wrong; I could still hope. But when it looks to be sort of right...it comes to the moment of truth.

And I fear the verdict. But I wouldn't want these dreams to flourish if that is not His plan. If these are the wrong dreams...I need to find the right ones.

After I tuck these back into their boxes and say the funeral prayers.

But, you know, the prayer of my heart isn't that favor comes to my dreams...it's that, whatever happens to them, I honor Him in word and deed. Because I've messed this part up so bad before; I don't want to mess it up here again.

Who knows...maybe the whole point was to teach me the proper way to crucify my flesh and submit to authority. With the proper attitude.

If we substitute burial shrouds for the ribbons and ruffles, that's what I'll tell myself.

I keep reminding myself that it is not a people decision, it is a God decision. If this is the time, the favor will come from Him. If it is not the time, it is not the fault of anybody. It is simply not time.

But. Until I have a direction, we will wait to see if anyone else thinks it's time for the light to shine on a little dream's little sister...

1 comment:

  1. I love this post! It is a great visual of those dreams I have as well.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and your comments there.

    I love the name of your blog. The story of Haggar is one of my favorites because it is where we discover that God sees us. I wrote about it at this post: http://lettersfrommidlife.blogspot.com/2008/12/seeing-myself-as-god-sees-me.html

    So glad to meet you!