Thursday, September 15, 2011

Thoughts on the Week

AS this is the week of the Princess's Wedding, I suppose it's appropriate that I have Some Thoughts.

Whilst I am wrangling that 'simple' dress I'm hoping to wear for the ceremony...that should have been in the 'done' column but has turned into a major exercise of patience...I'm thinking and reflecting.

Maybe I should be paying more attention to my sewing.  Perhaps then I wouldn't have to have removed one side of the zipper, untwist the dress at the shoulder, and then re-apply that side of the zipper.  But who knows?  I admit to being somewhat less than fully focused.  I have other things occupying my thoughts, I fear.

She's 25 years old; that's definitely not too young; I should have had plenty of time to prepare for this day, right?

When my mother asked me about getting ready for her to move out, I commented that she really isn't home much now anyway; this just means she'll be sleeping and doing her laundry elsewhere.  And hopefully my Chobani yogurt will quit disappearing from the fridge.

At least, that's what I'm telling myself.

Truth is, she's moved out 3 times before.  Every fall for Master's Commission, she'd pack up and leave and tell me that she was going to stay in the apartment the next summer.

But I knew she didn't have the financial wherewithal to make that happen.  So when she left, I knew she'd be back.

This time, she's not coming back. 

It could be worse; their apartment is just on the other end of town.  When I got married, I moved 400 miles away.  I won't be leaving the light on for her at night now, but they're still gonna be around for probably at least one meal a week.  I've never been geographically close to any family since I got married; I don't have a paradigm for it.  I guess we'll just make it up as we go.

But I'm finding myself truly amazed at how quickly we have arrived at this point...for all that it's been more than 25 years since we first held her.  I'm remembering so many parenting things I did wrong, and so few that I feel confident I did right.  So many things we wanted to do as a family that just didn't happen.  Part of me wants to holler 'Wait!  I'm not done yet!'

Doesn't matter.  She's done.  And in a wee couple of days she'll have a new name and a new home and a new life.  This is the goal of raising see them flutter out of the nest to their place in the world.  A lovely wedding ceremony -- be it big and fancy or small and intimate-- is both an invocation and a benediction.

So as the final preparations are upon us, Lord, let me do what's crucial and not sweat what isn't.

And please, please help me hold it together and not be a big snotty mess on Saturday.


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